Bruises
by Trindajae
Summary: "I haven't been able to resist you since the day we first met. Even if you were hostile and rude." - The only post-"Always" fic you're likely to see where they don't immediately sleep together. Light on angst. Spoilers for anything through 4x20. - NOW COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

His hand fell off of her scar as she led him away from his front door. She glanced back once at his face and he could see that although her panicked desperation was gone, there were still traces of fear. He sucked in a startled and unhappy breath and stopped walking. She turned back at his tug on her hand, brow wrinkling in confusion. The worry in her eyes was greater than it was a moment ago.

He didn't need to be a mind reader to know she was afraid that they'd damaged their relationship beyond repair. Until she'd shown up at his door with her heart in her eyes and clothes dripping rain onto the floor, he had worried the same thing.

He stepped into her, hands settling on her hips as he touched his forehead to hers. He tried to find the words to soothe away her fears, but his throat was closed tight with his own. Her hands came up to rest on his face as they stood silently, breathing the same air as she swayed closer.

The kiss was almost tentative. Her arms circled his neck. His hands began to move upwards, gently stroking her skin as if he could leave his mark for all the world to see that she was his.

His hands flew away from her ribs when she flinched, hissing in pain. He felt the blood drain away from his face.

"Kate, are you injured?" He herded her into his office and turned on the light so he could look at her.

"I'll be fine. It's nothing." He could see some of her wall going back up as she denied the bruises he could see forming.

"It's not nothing, Kate. You're hurt." He didn't wait for permission as he stepped close and slipped her shirt off.

Hands on her shoulders, he turned her gently in a slow circle. His writer's eye had no trouble stringing the injuries into a narrative of the fight. The bruises on her left forearm were from blocking strong blows. The backs of her elbows were turning black and blue from the force of her own strikes. The darkening blotches on her stomach took his breath away as surely as she must have been winded when she got them. Almost her entire back was turning purple, though he didn't know if it was from one fall or several. His eye couldn't help but snag on every scrape and scratch that told him she hadn't been sparring on a clean, soft mat in the precinct gym.

It was her shivering that interrupted his horrified catalog.

"Right, that settles it. You're chilled to the bone. Come with me."

He took her by the shoulders and steered her to the bathroom. She stood motionless and silent as he started running the tub, pulled a towel from a cupboard and set it on the counter. He disappeared into his bedroom and came back with sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt. He put them on the counter by the towel.

He moved to stand in front of her when she remained silent and still, eyes locked on his shoulder. She didn't look up. He couldn't tell if her cheeks were wet from her hair or if she was crying. She swallowed hard and sniffled, but that could have been the cold.

He brushed his fingertips across her cheek, tracing bone down and around until he could lift her chin to force her to look at him. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears as he ran the pad of his thumb over her lips. She kissed his thumb as it went by.

"When was the last time you ate something?"

Her eyes went foggy as she tried to remember.

"That's what I thought. You take a bath, soak some of the aches out. I'll make us some food. You want coffee?"

She nodded mutely, turned her face into his hand to kiss his palm. He leaned in and took his time kissing her lips. He stepped back and let his hands fall to his sides.

"Tub. Food and coffee. Then we'll talk." He closed the door behind him as he left.

* * *

She didn't know how long she sat in the bath before the tears started in earnest. She took deep, shuddering breaths and tried to let them out silently, hugging her knees to her chest. The water had started to get cold when there was a knock on the door. She tried to draw a breath to call out, but her voice broke on the sob that escaped instead. She dropped her forehead to her knees and concentrated on breathing evenly.

"Kate?" The worry in his voice was accompanied by a warm hand stroking softly over her shoulder. She didn't look up as another strangled sob escaped her throat. She was gently shoved out of the way as he slid into the tub behind her and slipped his arms around her stomach. She let go of her legs, turning to wrap her arms around him and bury her face in his chest. She was startled out of her tears when her hands found shirt instead of skin. She opened her eyes to see him fully dressed, soaked from the shoulders down.

"You're wearing clothes in the bath?" His eyes were solemn except for a hint of laughter around the edges.

"Well, yes. You looked like you needed a hug and I didn't want to waste time getting naked."

"Four years of innuendo and you're saying it would be a waste of time to get naked before hopping into a tub with me?"

"If it makes you feel any better, we could say that I was so overcome by the sight of you all wet and glistening that I was powerless to resist the pull for even a moment."

There were shadows lurking behind his teasing grin. She turned further into him, sliding up his torso to capture his mouth as she tried to kiss the shadows away. His eyes were dark and slightly glassy when she broke the kiss several minutes later.

"You can't resist me, huh?" She tried to pour every complicated emotion she had into the single sentence. His hands came up to cradle her face as he stared silently for a long moment. She felt drops of water from his fingers leaving trails on her cheeks and she shivered.

"I haven't been able to resist you since the day we first met. Even if you were hostile and rude."

She barked a laugh and sat back to glare at him. The power of the glare was weakened by the smile she couldn't suppress.

"Hostile and rude? You were an arrogant jackass!"

"Yup." His clothes shed a small flood as he stood and extended a hand to help her up. "And now this arrogant jackass is going to feed you nourishing food so you won't starve while he ravishes you later."

"Who said I was going to let you ravish me later?" She smirked at him as she very deliberately did not reach for the towel on the counter. His eyes involuntarily followed the hand that she ran from a naked hip to rub her stomach. "I might be too busy eating you out of house and home."

He swallowed hard but met her challenging eyes gamely.

"You're the one who almost knocked me down to take me at my front door. You're standing wet and naked in front of me and yet observe how I am fully clothed and virtuously keeping my hands to myself."

"Uh huh." She held his eyes with an evil grin as she swayed slowly closer. He took an involuntary step backwards, socked foot hitting the edge of the bath before sliding out from under him. Eyes wide and arms flung out for balance, he sat hard on the edge of his tub.

"Ow! I think I bruised my tailbone."

They stared at each other for a moment before they both burst out laughing. She leaned in to gently kiss his cheek before grabbing the towel and stepping out of the water.

"Come on, tough guy. Let's feed me and get to ravishing. I'll kiss your bruises better if you'll do the same for mine."


	2. Chapter 2

They ate in a complicated silence, each stealing glances at the other as if to check that this night was really happening. They were on the couch with their plates on their laps, sides lightly touching. The food was almost entirely gone when Kate spoke.

"I resigned today."

Castle inhaled food, eyes wide and watering as he coughed for several moments. "You did what?"

Kate stared at her plate as she aimlessly pushed bits of food around. Castle waited impatiently for her to find her voice again, finally reaching over to steal her fork.

"Kate, stop. Tell me what happened." The abject despair in her eyes when she finally looked up at him felt like a fist in the gut.

"I quit, Castle. I'm not a cop anymore."

"But why?"

"I was angry." Her eyes misted as she looked back on it. "I didn't really think about it, I just reacted. And I keep hearing Dr. Burke's voice asking me why I think I reacted that way."

"Why did you? What happened?" Castle reached for a glass of water when what he really wanted to do was grab Kate by the shoulders and try to shake the story out of her. He throttled his impatience and tried to keep his emotions off his face as he recognized a breakthrough as profound as the fact that Kate came here tonight.

"Ryan told Gates where Esposito and I were and what we were doing. Gates showed up with a tactical team just as I was about to fall off the roof."

Castle shoved food in his mouth to keep from speaking, desperate to hear the whole story and squelching the urge to hug her or yell at her. She had told him that she'd almost died and he'd seen the bruises on her body, but it felt like every new detail she shared revealed an even more disturbing facet of the situation.

"Gates didn't say anything on the roof, just sent us to be checked out by medical and had us escorted back to the precinct. We'd barely made it into her office when she started yelling. I guess I was still pretty amped up from the adrenaline. All I could think about was that she was arrogant, she didn't know anything about the situation, and here she was throwing the book at us and suspending us. I wanted to hit back, take back the power she has over my life. So I said I quit and I walked out. I don't even know if she'll let the resignation stand. She's probably filing the paperwork to have me fired right now. It's not like I went to HR to fill out the resignation forms. She could probably call it job abandonment. And she would be right to fire me."

Castle stared at her as she finally looked up at him. Her eyes glittered with unshed tears and he felt his heart crack in sympathy.

"Castle, what am I going to do?" Kate dropped her face into her palm, startling him as she blindly reached out for his hand. He took hers in both of his, trying to offer comfort through the touch.

"I don't know. We'll think of something. But right now it's really late and I'm wiped out. You should be, too. You've had a long and difficult day."

Kate let her head fall back onto the couch, slumping slightly in exhausted misery.

"I don't want to move. I just want the couch to swallow me up and suffocate me so I don't have to face tomorrow."

"Stay put." Castle stacked her plate on top of his as he stood. He dropped the dishes in the sink before snagging a spare blanket and pillow from the linen closet. When he got back to the living room, Kate had flopped over sideways, burying her face in the cushions. He dropped the pillow onto the couch, shaking out the folded blanket before draping it over her.

Kate glanced up at the touch of the blanket to meet his eyes. His heart clenched painfully when he saw the tears streaking her face. She turned quickly back to the couch, instinctively trying to hide what he had already seen.

"Oh, Kate. You really are a mess tonight, aren't you." Castle regretted the observation when he saw her shrink further against the couch, shoulders trembling with silent sobs. He dropped to the floor next to her and gathered her awkwardly against him. She clutched his sweatshirt with both hands as she cried against his chest.

Castle felt his own eyes water, throat closing with the force of his own complicated, unspoken emotions as he looked at the woman in his arms. He bent down to press a light kiss to the top of her head, breathing in her scent to reassure himself that she was really safe in his apartment and not hanging off the edge of a building, getting shot at, or being bruised by the fist of someone skilled enough to have killed her. Castle hadn't missed the fact that Kate and Esposito would have died if not for the intervention of Captain Gates. He shied away from the rest of that line of reasoning, flinching from the guilt he knew he was going to feel when the truth really started to settle in. Kate would have died today if things had gone according to her plans and Castle had given up on trying to stop her.

He wasn't sure he was entirely comfortable with the amount of gratitude he felt towards the captain who didn't even like him.

Castle came out of his introspection to realize that Kate's sobs had quieted and her breathing evened out. Her hands had loosened their death grip on his shirt and her whole body had relaxed. He snuck a look down at her face and realized she'd finally succumbed to the exhaustion of the day. He slid her carefully back onto the couch, tucking the pillow under her head and covering her with the blanket. He turned on one of the lamps so she would be able to find her way around if she woke up in the middle of the night.

He leaned against his bookcase for a long moment, staring at her sleeping face as he tried to keep from imagining what tonight would have been like if the tactical team had arrived five minutes later. Castle firmly shoved the rest of the horrifying images from his mind as he turned out the rest of the lights and went to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Eight o'clock the following morning found Castle entering the precinct lobby. He wasn't surprised to find his access to the precinct had been revoked. Gates clearly thought he wouldn't be coming back if Beckett wasn't here. Ordinarily, she would have been right.

Nothing about the past 48 hours could count as ordinary.

Castle pulled out his phone to text Ryan.

_Hey. Could you sneak me into the bull pen, please? I'm in the lobby. I need to talk to Gates._

Castle started to worry when Ryan didn't reply immediately. Then the elevator dinged and his friend was approaching him with a smile. Castle would have been happier if Ryan's smile didn't look half-terrified.

"Hey, Castle. I didn't expect to hear from you. I thought you'd shut us all out for good."

Castle dropped his eyes to the floor for a moment, feeling the shame starting to color his cheeks.

"Sorry about that. I had a fight with Beckett, but it had nothing to do with you guys. Is Esposito mad about me taking off, too?" Castle felt his guilt give way to alarmed surprise when Ryan looked away with his own expression of embarrassment.

"I wouldn't know. Esposito's not exactly talking to me right now. He and Beckett went after a guy without backup. I tried to call you because you might have been able to talk Beckett out of it and I think Espo would've backed down if she did. Well, probably. You know how angry he was after Beckett got shot?" Ryan continued as Castle nodded. "Well, he's been that mad for the past couple of days. She's like a little sister to him and you just don't mess with Esposito's family, you know?"

"Beckett told me Esposito got suspended."

Ryan gave a broken laugh. "Yeah. I saw the two of them storm out. I tried to apologize, but neither of them would talk to me. Beckett cleaned out her desk and Espo..." Ryan's eyes were distant with the memory for a moment before he gave a weak smile. "Well, I'd pay money to not have anyone look at me like that again. I've never seen him so mad. And Beckett's probably never going to speak to me again."

Castle gripped his friend's shoulder, meeting his eyes with a stare as if he could will the younger man to believe him. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. Kate told me that if you and Gates had been even just a minute slower at saving her from herself, we would be attending her funeral. I will always be grateful to you for that. I'm even grateful to Gates. That's part of why I'm here. I want to thank her for saving Kate's life."

Ryan took a breath and nodded, shoulders loosening. He looked up at Castle as he caught the implied statement.

"You talked to Beckett since yesterday afternoon?"

Now it was Castle's turn to look guilty.

"Yeah. She showed up at my door last night. She's asleep on the couch in my living room right now. She's probably going to throttle me for being here when she wakes up, but I need to talk to Gates."

"About that... Gates isn't in a great mood today. She doesn't look as homicidal as she was yesterday, but you aren't her favorite person. You might want to wait for her to cool off before she catches sight of you in her precinct again."

"I wish I could. But it really must be today. I might already be too late to save Kate's job, but I have to try."

Ryan's eyes widened slightly at the audacity of Castle's plan. "That might be suicidal, Castle. She is absolutely not in a forgiving mood right now."

Castle shrugged and nodded. He tried to make it look cool and unconcerned, but Ryan's expression told him he'd probably only managed anxious and uncomfortable. Ryan turned to walk him to the elevator.

"Come on, Castle. I'll keep you company to the bull pen, but you're on your own in her office."


	4. Chapter 4

Kate woke to the feeling that her arm was too cold, draped over the edge of the bed, out of the blanket and knuckles brushing against the floor. She pulled it under the covers and rolled over against the back of the couch, sighing slightly as she started to slide back into sleep.

Couch.

She snapped awake suddenly as she realized that she wasn't in her bed. The empty, silent living room that greeted her eyes was reassuring. Castle's living room was a perfectly safe place to sleep. She reached for oblivion again but failed as she caught Castle's scent on the clothes she was wearing. She glanced around the room again to make sure she really was alone and raised the sleeve to her nose, closing her eyes as she breathed it in and wallowed in a moment of longing.

She decided it was silly to be lying on the couch missing Castle when she was already in his apartment. The clock on the wall told her it was barely past 8 o'clock in the morning. Kate didn't know what time she'd finally fallen asleep, but she knew it was an hour or two after midnight. Castle probably wouldn't be awake until at least nine.

She grinned at the realization that she was awake and unattended in his apartment. He had once had the same privilege in her old apartment and she felt that turn about was fair play. She padded silently into the kitchen to root around in his cupboards. She thought pancakes would be an appropriate start to the day. But the only pancake mix she could find was an empty box in the trash can, with a shopping list stuck to the fridge to remind Castle to get more.

She contemplated making something else, but decided that pancakes were fast enough to make and she probably had plenty of time to buy the necessary supplies before Castle woke up. She slipped her shoes on, grabbed her wallet, keys and phone, and slipped as quietly as she could out of the apartment. The door snicked loudly behind her as it locked. She had a moment of panic when she realized she didn't have a key, but she shrugged and decided she'd just wake Castle when she got back. He could nap while she cooked if he was too tired to get up for the day.

She was humming under her breath as she rode the elevator to the lobby and schlepped her self-conscious way across the up-scale space in her borrowed and baggy sweats. She was glad that she'd at least pulled her black jacket on to hide the worst offenses of her apparent lack of fashion sense. Maybe she should have changed back into her clothes from yesterday, but they were mostly on the floor in Castle's bathroom and she would have had to go through his bedroom to retrieve them. She decided she would stop by her apartment to get properly dressed and ready for the day before going back to Castle's place. She felt a moment's hesitation at the amount of time it would take her, but she decided the risk was worth it as she hailed a cab. She really wanted to feel like herself again, not like the craven, emotional creature she had been the night before.

Kate didn't regret anything that had happened or failed to happen between herself and Castle. Today felt hopeful. They had finally reconnected, setting aside the argument that had almost shattered their partnership. In a way, she was glad that they hadn't slept together. This gave her a chance to assure him that she had made her choice with her eyes open, that he wasn't a convenient warm body after almost dying or another bad decision prompted by her frequent attempts to avoid difficult emotions.

Difficult emotions.

Oh.

Kate covered her face with her hands as she tried to shove away her panic and shame at the memory of quitting her job. She remembered her early sessions with Dr. Burke, lashing out at everyone and everything, not wanting to believe him when he told her that she needed to take some time.

_Don't make big life decisions immediately after suffering a trauma_. His voice whispered to her out of the past. _Give yourself time to heal before you decide what your needs are_.

She quit her job yesterday and tried to seduce Castle last night. Both of those actions would have been dramatically out of character for her last week. She reached instinctively for her phone to text Lanie. She noticed with a little dismay that she had missed 4 calls and 6 text messages from her friend the day before.

_Meet for lunch?_

Her phone buzzed in her hand with an incoming call. Kate glanced at the caller ID before answering.

"Hey Lanie."

"'Hey Lanie.' You nearly die, quit your job, drop off the face of the planet for the rest of the day, and then you nonchalantly ask if I have lunch plans and greet me with 'Hey.' I ought to strangle you and hide the body somewhere no one will ever find."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you'd better be sorry. Where the hell were you last night? I was nearly out of my mind with worry."

Kate hesitated for a moment, noting how the cab driver was carefully pretending not to pay attention to her phone call. "I was at Castle's."

The moment of stunned silence ended with a loud whoop. "It's about damn time!"

"No, Lanie, it wasn't like that. Well, okay, it almost was, but nothing happened. I slept on the couch and snuck out this morning."

"Uh huh, sure. I'll accept that story for the moment. Now what the hell happened yesterday? All I know is that Javier is suspended, he said you resigned, and I haven't been able to get a story out of him or Kevin. He said he's under a gag order from Captain Gates while an investigation takes place. Unless my experience has failed me, that's only standard procedure for cases where there has been a serious use of force, more than bruising a suspect a bit while applying handcuffs. But you owe me, so spill."

Kate eyed the apparently uninterested cabbie a second time. "Lanie, I'm not somewhere I can talk about that right now. Meet me for lunch and I'll tell you what I can."

"Okay. I'll text you when I know what time I'll be available. But you better not cancel on me, girl. These are not the kinds of life changes that you can go through without talking to your best friend."

"Yeah, I know. Listen, Lanie, I'm at my apartment so I'm going to hang up. I'll talk to you later."

* * *

Castle took a deep breath that did nothing to settle his nerves for what was almost certainly going to be a very painful interview. He looked back over his shoulder at Ryan as he paused outside Captain Gates's closed office door. Ryan gave him the barest ghost of a smile before he suddenly became completely immersed in his paperwork. Castle turned back to the captain's office, unsurprised to see that she had glanced up from her desk to catch him lurking outside her door. He knocked politely and waited for her waved permission to enter. He was not so foolhardy as to sit.

"Mr. Castle. I remember revoking your pass to enter this precinct. You want to explain why you're somehow in my office anyway?"

Castle squelched the urge to shift nervously on his feet.

"Captain, I have three topics that I hope you will be patient and charitable enough to allow me to discuss."

"One of these topics will no doubt be the ex-detective Kate Beckett. I'm interested in knowing what the other two topics are." Castle tried to hide the involuntary flinch at the anger in Gates's voice when she said "ex-detective."

"I doubt you're surprised to know all three topics have to do with Beckett. The first and foremost is that I wanted to thank you for saving her life yesterday. Beckett told me that if you had been a minute slower in going after her, she would have fallen off a roof. I know she deeply regrets the mistakes she made in allowing her emotions to cloud her tactical judgment."

Gates's glare had softened slightly at the guileless gratitude in Castle's voice. He waited silently for her response. She sighed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. Without the bristling anger being directed at him, Castle could see that Captain Gates looked drawn, tired and frustrated. He felt a sudden urge to get her some takeout and a coffee because he was certain she had skipped at least one meal while dealing with the procedural and political fallout from the day before. He tried to keep those thoughts off of his face as she looked back up at him.

"Mr. Castle, I know I come across as something between a stern taskmaster and a petty tyrant. But the truth is, I like Beckett and I don't want anything to happen to her. Even if I hated her, I still wouldn't want anything to happen to her. I protect my people. I was furious with her yesterday and I'm still more than a little angry today. Her behavior was reckless, unprofessional, and stupid. Worse, it should have gotten both herself and her partner killed. That is not behavior that I will tolerate from any cop in my command. But I was saddened that she decided to resign."

Castle felt the first flicker of hope. Maybe not all was lost.

"Uh, about that. That's my second topic. Beckett regrets telling you that she wanted to resign. She said it was a mistake to make any large decision so close to almost getting killed."

Gates held up an admonitory hand.

"If Beckett wants to come back at the end of her suspension, she has to agree to some terms. First, she can't keep secrets from me. It's dangerous, against regulations, and I won't tolerate it." Gates glared when Castle looked like he was about to speak. "Second, she's going to have to earn my trust again. She will need to toe the line like her life depends on it until I'm convinced she knows what appropriate conduct is. I haven't decided what the third term will be, but trust that there will be more than two major changes that she will need to make."

Castle couldn't help the relieved grin that spread across his face. "I'm sure I can talk her into that."

Gates's glare sharpened even further. "If she has to be talked into it, then I don't want her here. She comes of her own free will, not because you charmed her into doing what you want her to do."

Castle's grin died and his eyes unfocused as he remembered the fight he'd lost the day before.

"Captain, I know you don't have any reason to believe me, but I am not capable of controlling Beckett. I begged her to walk away from this case and she wouldn't do it. I used every emotional tool I had and I couldn't even slow her down. In the end, I gave up and walked away. That failure is going to haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life."

Gates cocked her head and pinned him with a hard stare.

"Why, Mr. Castle, would you try to talk her out of investigating a homicide?"

"Ah," Castle flinched slightly and found his eyes fixed on the floor. He fought to look back up at the captain. "That's the third topic I wanted to discuss with you. Ryan told you about the case yesterday, but he doesn't know the whole story. Not even Beckett knew everything that was going on."

"But you do."

"Yes. And I realized last night that keeping it quiet will probably get Beckett killed. I'm mostly sure that you're not involved because you didn't let her die yesterday."

Gates's brow wrinkled slightly and Castle got the impression that she was now listening with every scrap of her attention. "You are implying that there is a conspiracy to kill Kate Beckett. And that before yesterday, you thought I might be involved. Explain."

Castle opened his mouth to begin when he was interrupted by the ringing of the captain's phone. She answered it with a barked, "Gates." A moment of silence. "What?" Castle did not find it at all soothing that the captain looked alarmed. He wished he could hear the other half of the conversation as the captain listened intently to the voice on the phone. "Where? Yes, we're coming. Keep her there."

Captain Gates hung up the phone and looked up at Castle with an unreadable expression.

"I am going to want you to tell me everything, and I'm going to want you to tell me today. But for right now, I want you to come with me to a crime scene. It appears that Detective Beckett's admirer from yesterday decided to try to finish the job."

Castle felt the blood drain from his face, eyes unseeing as he couldn't help but picture Kate bleeding out on the grass. He swayed and possibly would have fallen except he felt a hand on his elbow anchoring him. Gates was looking at him with an expression that on any other person he would have labeled compassion and understanding.

"She's fine. Her attacker isn't. We're going to pick her up and you will both fill me in on why someone wants so badly to kill one of my homicide detectives that they're willing to try twice in two days."

Castle took a shaky breath and nodded, following Gates silently to her car.

* * *

Kate slipped the phone back into her pocket as the driver pulled over in the crosswalk in front of her building. An irritated pedestrian yelled briefly while detouring around the taxi. Kate paid and got out, mind already on what she needed to get from her place before snagging some groceries and heading back to Castle's apartment.

She was closing the door of the cab when she heard the driver exclaim, "What the hell?"

Kate glanced up at the street and saw a flash of light. Reflexes honed by her shooting had her moving to duck around behind the cab before she consciously recognized the man aiming the gun at her. She felt something shove hard on her left shoulder, spinning her and knocking her off her feet for a moment as she pulled her weapon and tried to get back up to find her target. The cab lurched away from her with squealing tires and she darted across the sidewalk to tuck herself into the dubious safety around the corner of the apartment building. She leaned out to get an angle on the shooter just in time to watch the taxi driver run him down on the sidewalk. Even knowing that the cabbie had probably just been acting out of self-defense, she felt a moment of profound gratitude to the stranger for defending her.

Kate ran forward, using parked cars as cover as she approached her fallen assailant. He was unconscious, barely breathing and bleeding from a nasty-looking gash where his head had impacted and then slid along the pavement. Kate pulled her phone from her pocket to call 9-1-1. The cab was already squealing tires in reverse, getting off the sidewalk and speeding away.

She had a bad moment when she almost identified herself as a detective out of habit. She could feel a lump of what probably were hysterical tears sticking in her throat. She shoved the unwelcome emotion out of her mind as she described what had happened to dispatch.

It was only a few minutes before the first uniforms arrived, including a couple who knew her from crime scenes and addressed her as "Detective." She couldn't bring herself to correct them and soon all of the uniforms had learned her no longer accurate title. The paramedics whisked the unconscious suspect away with a patrol car following to make sure her attacker couldn't slip out of the hospital's custody.

If she'd been calmer, she would have realized that it was inevitable that someone would call Gates. The officers would take her statement and track down witnesses, including the now-departed cabbie. But of course one of the first things any good officer would do upon finding out that a detective had been attacked would be to tell their sergeant. And any good sergeant would immediately notify the detective's supervisor.

So it was with no small amount of dismay that she saw Captain Gates walking towards her with a frighteningly blank expression. Even the scowling and yelling from the day before would have been preferable.

The surprising and perplexing thing was that Castle was trailing along behind her.

"Detective Beckett. What the hell is going on?"

Kate felt light-headed for a moment and paused to marvel at how effective the captain was getting with a glare if the thought of facing an angry Gates for the second time in as many days could throw Kate off her stride. She stood up from the car she had been leaning on while giving her statement and immediately wished she hadn't as the world began to spin. She started to lift her hand to her forehead when she felt a searing pain in her left shoulder. The world went black around the edges.

Castle and Gates both grabbed Kate by the arms as her face went pale and she started to crumple. They eased her down to lie on the pavement.

"We need a medic!" Gates hollered at the nearest officer while running hands over Beckett, pulling open Kate's black jacket so she could search for the injury that must be there. Castle sucked in a terrified breath when he saw the rusty stain on his sweatshirt over her left shoulder. Gates sounded an equal mix of angry and frightened as she growled, "Damn it, Beckett, getting shot once wasn't enough?"

An officer Castle hadn't met before landed on the sidewalk next to Beckett with the first aid kit from one of the patrol cars. He brusquely elbowed Castle out of the way as he started yanking out bandages, handing them to Gates who slid them under the hands she was using to apply pressure to Kate's shoulder.

Castle felt useless as he watched Kate's chest rising and falling with each breath. He heard the sounds of sirens approaching as the ambulance drew near. The medics calmly and quickly took the captain's place. Castle couldn't help but stare at the blood on Gates's hands as she cleaned them with supplies from the first aid kit. He started badly when one of the now-clean hands reached out to touch his elbow.

"Hey, Castle." Again Gates was wearing an incongruous expression of compassion and understanding. Castle almost wished she'd go back to glaring and yelling at him. "Beckett's going to be fine. It wasn't that bad of a wound. She wouldn't even have passed out if she'd noticed she'd been injured instead of standing there and loosing blood."

Castle let his pain and confusion show as he met Gates's eyes. "How could she not know she'd been shot?"

"Adrenaline does funny things. It's one of the better pain-killers nature's made. She probably wasn't even bleeding much until she started to calm down. Come on, I'll give you a ride to the hospital."

Castle followed the captain silently, thoughts jumping from topic to topic as he worried about Kate and pondered the uncomfortable surreality of Gates being nice to him.

* * *

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**Author's Note:** I've gotten a couple of questions from bunches of people, so I thought I'd preemptively explain a couple of things.

- It's already established in canon ("Tick Tick"/"Boom", I believe) that Beckett carries more than one handgun. Law enforcement agencies typically only issue a single handgun. Any officers who wish to carry more than that have to purchase their own. The second weapon is their own personal property, not the property of the government. When an officer resigns, they only need to give back the department-issued piece. (I will admit that I ignored the complexities about carrying concealed weapons for police officers versus general public with concealed weapons permits. For the sake of simplicity, we'll assume that Kate also has a concealed weapon permit and so would not be breaking the law to still be armed after resigning.)

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- Law enforcement culture uses last names as the general default. Calling someone only by their last name doesn't imply the same kind of familiarity or friendship that a nickname would. Gates's constant use of Castle's last name plus a title ("Mr.") in canon is her way of being deliberately formal in order to emphasize her belief that he isn't and shouldn't be a member of their group. Her single use of his last name in this chapter is not a sign that she suddenly adores him. It's a common tactic used to get someone's attention when they're in shock or distress of any severity. (I use it on my 911 callers all the time. It's extremely effective.) Don't worry, Gates goes right back to insisting he's not a cop the next time we see her. I might be writing fan fiction, but I really do prefer to stay close to something that would be believable as canon. Even if canon is frequently very, very far from being realistic, especially tactically. But that's a topic for a different day.

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- Yes, I really do think Castle would be elbowed out of the way while cops treat Beckett. It's what I think (hope!) happened in the season 3 finale when we see him completely uselessly cradling a gunshot Beckett, instead of properly applying pressure and trying to triage her wounds. It's romantic and dramatic to hold someone's head and look into their eyes while declaring your undying love, but it's not what cops do when they see another cop has been shot. Cops call an ambulance and begin first aid, moving any bystanders out of the way if needed without bothering to apologize for being emotionally insensitive while trying to save the injured cop's life. Very common tagline in emergency services: "We're here to save your ass, not kiss it."

Also, poor Castle is traumatized. He probably didn't get any therapy after Beckett got shot, so I doubt he's dealt with even half of the fun new psychological baggage that kind of trauma provides.

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- It's entirely possible to not notice a non-fatal injury for a couple of minutes. (The actual painkiller isn't the adrenaline, though, it's some of the other fight-or-flight hormones that get released.) It's generally a very bad sign if you fail to notice the hole in your body until your blood pressure drops far enough to make you light-headed or pass out. It's called hypovolemic shock and it can lead to all sorts of nasty things like organ damage and death. I leave it up to the reader to decide if Gates is softening the truth to keep Castle from panicking or if she's just not a doctor and thus unaware that she's giving somewhat inaccurate information.

Common TV trope that is not true: Shoulder wounds are actually very serious. There's a large amount of risk that you'd damage the ball-and-socket joint, which can't be replaced, or that you'd punch through the shoulder blade. That's assuming that you manage to miss the lung and the large number of very important blood vessels. Unlike in Hollywood's version of reality, getting shot in the shoulder is actually a big deal that takes surgery and months of physical therapy to recover from.


	5. Chapter 5

Castle leaned against the wall in the same hallway he'd stood in less than a year before, sipping the terrible hospital coffee Gates had handed him before heading off somewhere. Castle watched his thoughts skitter past his mind, feeling like his attention had shattered into a million pieces. He wondered if this was what psychological shock felt like. He didn't know if he'd stood there for a minute or an hour before one of the officers from the scene gently herded him into the waiting room. He handed Castle a cup of herbal tea and a muffin as the officer took the mostly undrunk coffee from Castle's hands. It was odd enough to snag Castle's attention.

"I've never been much of a tea drinker." Castle studied the man's face, trying to remember if he was one of the hundreds of uniforms that he had met while trailing after Beckett. Castle didn't know if he was drawing a blank because he'd never met the officer before, or if it was further proof that his brain wasn't working right.

"Neither am I. But caffeine isn't good for you right now and your options were limited to crappy coffee or crappy tea. Food, hot drink and a place to sit. It won't help enough, but it'll help."

Castle saw a flicker of some emotion on the officer's face that passed too quickly to to be identified. He took a guess.

"You've been in my shoes before."

"A couple of times. New York is a great city, but not a safe one for cops. I remember back in 2009, it felt like we lost one every month. Not all from one precinct, of course, but we all pay attention when someone murders a member of the family. So I know what I'm talking about when I tell you to eat the muffin. It's going to taste bad and stick in your throat, which is why you drink the crappy tea. The only thing you can do for your partner right now is to keep yourself functioning. Shock burns calories. Eat."

Castle obediently tore off a piece of muffin and popped it into his mouth. As promised, it tasted like dust and cardboard. He washed it down with tea that was every bit as bad as the coffee had been. It didn't make the ache in his chest any better, but the world started to come back into focus.

"Where'd Captain Gates go?" Castle finally recognized how odd his isolation was. Gates had stayed with him long enough to find out how Kate was doing (no news yet other than still alive) and then left for... somewhere. Castle vaguely remembered her saying something to him, but he'd been too much stuck in his head to listen. He wondered briefly if this was what Kate had felt like when she was having flashbacks. Everything he looked at made him remember the cemetary, the glassy uncomprehension in Kate's eyes, and the feel of her blood on his hands.

"I'm not sure exactly where the captain went. She asked me to keep an eye on you and then headed off. Heard her talking to somebody named Ryan on her cell phone, if that helps."

"Yeah, that does. Thanks."

"Speaking of calls, is there anybody you'd like me to call for you?"

Esposito walked into the room before Castle could answer, wearing plain clothes and a worried expression. Castle almost dropped the tasteless muffin in his hurry to stand up.

"Espo. How'd you get here so fast?"

"Hey Jenkins." Esposito nodded a greeting at the officer with Castle before looking back at him. "It wasn't fast, bro. Traffic sucked. It took me most of an hour to get here after Ryan called me. Lanie's on her way, too. Only reason she didn't beat me here is because she had to wait for someone else to come cover the rest of her shift."

A doctor came into the room, holding a chart and an evidence bag, scanning the crowd until he snagged on the one uniform present.

"How's Kate?" Castle stepped back slightly to make room for the doctor to join them.

"She's going to be fine. No bones broken and the bullet missed the major arteries, which is a minor miracle. From the deformities on the round and the lack of more extensive damage, my guess is that the bullet didn't hit her directly. It went through something else or bounced off of something else first, slowing the bullet down enough for it to stop when it hit the inside of her shoulder blade. Her main problem was blood loss and muscles torn when the bullet went through them. But we've got the bleeding stopped and she's in Recovery now. She might need some additional surgery to repair the damaged muscles, but we want to get her fluids back up first. We'll also need to start running some tests to make sure her drop in blood pressure didn't cause any organ damage. But right now she's resting comfortably. A nurse will be out in an hour or so with an update and her family can go back one at a time to see her." The last part was aimed at Castle and he didn't bother to correct the assumption. The doctor held out the evidence bag to Jenkins. "If you could sign for it."

Jenkins did so and turned to Esposito as the doctor left.

"You okay staying with him while I take this in? Gates said she'd be sending a couple people over to guard Detective Beckett when she gets out of surgery. They should be here any minute."

"Yeah, we're fine."

Castle met Esposito's eyes with a worried frown as Jenkins left the room with the bullet.

"Castle, she's going to be fine. This isn't like last time."

They lapsed into uncomfortable silence for a moment after Castle responded with a noncommital shrug and looked away. He stared off into memories for a moment before he glanced back up.

"What happened yesterday? I only managed to get Kate to tell me bits and pieces. She was pretty broken up about it."

Esposito's eyes scanned the half-full waiting room, motioning Castle over to an unoccupied corner and keeping his voice low as he started recounting the day.

* * *

**AN:** Short update this week. Aiming for a longer one next week, if not sooner. The 2009 statistics for officer fatalities isn't fiction. NYPD lost almost an officer a month that year. The list is at NYC dot gov /html/nypd/html/memorial/memorial_duty dot shtml


	6. Chapter 6

The first sensation Kate's foggy attention snagged on was smell. She could smell Castle. No, she could smell Castle on her borrowed clothes. She twitched her hand and became aware of the feeling of a thin blanket tucked over her and a hospital gown scratching at her skin. The gown itched less than the sling imprisoning her left arm. But if she was wearing a hospital gown, why could she smell Castle?

She pried her eyes open to see him peering down at her. It felt like staring through a blurry tube where only his face was in focus.

"Hey, sleepy head. I'd started to worry that you were going to miss the whole day." Kate watched with fascination as Castle picked up her hand, stroking her skin with his thumb.

"Castle." Her voice rasped painfully and her tongue felt like it was covered in sticky fuzz. "Water?"

"No, sorry," Castle reached one hand over to snag something off the table next to her bed. "But they did supply you with a lovely cup of ice chips. Want one?"

Kate started to try to sit up and reach out her good hand to take the cup, but Castle moved it away with an admonishing noise. She realized she wasn't up to chasing after it while the world was out of focus and trying to spin.

"Don't even think about exerting yourself. It's damn near an act of God that you aren't dead and I won't have you tempting fate any more this week. Lie back and hold still. Anything you need, tell me and I'll get it for you."

"Castle, I can take care of myself. Just give me the cup." Kate glared at Castle's paternal tone as she tried again to sit up. Castle shoved her effortlessly back down with a hand on her good shoulder, returning her glower with one of his own. But as Kate tried to stare him down, she saw something else lurking behind his irritation.

Castle was terrified.

Her anger melted as she understood what she was seeing. She relaxed against the pillows and surrendered.

"Okay. You're right. I'll cooperate."

Castle regarded her with an untrusting expression, hauling a chair over to sit next to her while he cautiously picked out an ice chip. He watched suspiciously as she popped it in her mouth and rested quietly on the bed while she sucked on it. She held out her hand for another and they settled into an oddly comfortable rhythm until half of the cup was empty. Kate waved the cup away and looked up at him from the pillow.

"You look funny from this angle."

Castle's laugh was brittle and sharp.

"That sounds like the medication talking. I look funny from every angle. I'm a hilarious sort of guy. You, however, are fantastic from any angle. But you don't look at all attractive in hospital gowns. I really wish you'd stop wearing them."

"Okay. They're not really my style, anyway. Too drafty."

Castle's second laugh was more believable, though still strained. Castle snagged Kate's hand, bringing it up to press a kiss against her fingers. She slipped her hand loose from his grip so she could trace his features with her fingertips. His eyes were dark and unreadable as she stroked his eyebrows flat, traced a line down his nose, and outlined his mouth. Her hand fell back to the bed as he rose up to place a kiss on her forehead. Her eyes slid shut as she tried to memorize the sensation.

She slipped unintentionally back into sleep. She didn't see the pained adoration he regarded her with, tucking her hair behind her ear and pressing another kiss to her forehead before he stepped away to the waiting room to update the others on her condition.


	7. Chapter 7

An hour later, Kate was moved to a regular room. She still wasn't able to stay awake for more than short stints as she slept off the effects of the blood loss, the surgery and the medication. Everyone Castle was beginning to think of as members of The Group met in Kate's room anyway. There was nowhere else they felt they wouldn't be overheard.

And what a strange group it was. One medical examiner, one writer, a captain of detectives who cut her teeth in Internal Affairs, and three homicide detectives, one of whom was suspended and another of whom was unconscious while recovering from her second gunshot wound. Castle felt like they were the setup for some kind of joke.

_A medical examiner, a writer, and four cops walk into a bar..._

They barely fit in the room and there weren't any chairs. Castle leaned gently on the edge of Kate's bed as the others formed a ragged circle, each leaning on window sills, walls, or whatever was handy.

"So. Now that we're all here, Mr. Castle, I think you should start with the story you were going to tell me this morning before we were interrupted."

Castle resisted the urge to squirm under so many nonplussed gazes. He had been braced for the captain's anger at his admission this morning. He hadn't imagined telling her for the first time with an audience of his friends.

"Ryan told you how Captain Montgomery was involved?" Castle was only slightly reassured by Gates's nod. "What Ryan couldn't have told you is that Captain Montgomery knew that he wouldn't be able to kill all of the conspirators. Before he went to the hangar where he died, he sent a file to someone, a file containing information so damaging that his friend would be able to keep Beckett safe."

"I'm still mad at you about that." Kate's faint voice was slurred by sleep and medication. Castle turned his head to meet her eyes. She was clearly more alert than she had been in Recovery, but she still looked half-asleep. Castle absently squeezed her hand.

"I know. And we'll probably fight about it later when you're back on your feet. Let me finish this story first, okay?"

Kate nodded slightly as she closed her eyes. Castle didn't know if she was sleeping again or still listening, but nothing he was about to say was news to her. He was more worried about Esposito, Lanie and Ryan.

Castle was right to worry. Over the next hour, Castle outlined every phone call, every meeting, and every theory he'd had about the murder of Kate's mother. He ended up back-tracking when it became clear that Ryan had glossed over most of the details, with Lanie jumping in briefly to describe how they had connected some of the murders and then Kate's shooting and the most recent murder. Castle tried hard to ignore the darkening scowl on Esposito's face as Castle described the phone calls and the suspicions he had about some of their recent cases. Ryan looked like he'd swallowed something sour. Lanie was clearly hurt and confused, though she sounded professional enough during her parts of the story.

Gates was the only one who didn't seem shocked by his actions. Castle didn't know what that said about her opinion of him that she wasn't surprised by anything he'd done.

"Thank you, Mr. Castle," Gates reclaimed control of the conversation when Castle trailed off awkwardly after describing his argument with Kate. "Ryan. What have you learned about today's shooter?"

Ryan straightened up from his lean against the wall and cleared his throat. "Well, it wasn't the same guy as yesterday. He was a local thug with no real training except getting in a lot of fights and killing a couple of people. That's how he was related to Beckett. She was the lead detective on the homicide he was convicted for about five years ago. He should have still been locked up for another 10 years at least, but he managed to escape from a work crew last week. Apparently, someone hoped it would look like a simple revenge killing if they had him do it."

Castle half-raised his hand. "That description had a lot of past-tense in it."

"Yeah," Ryan glanced down at the file in his hands. "He was pronounced dead on arrival this morning. The cab driver wasn't playing games when he ran him over. I tracked down our shooter's financials. There's an odd $9,000 payment yesterday, but since he's dead, he's not exactly going to be answering questions about it. And because it's below the $10,000 reporting limit, the bank has only an account number for where it was transferred from. The account belongs to a small construction business that has no employees, no storefront, and no credit history. It's a dead end. The cab driver isn't any help, either. No connection to Montgomery or any of the known players, alive or dead. He just picked up the wrong fare this morning."

"Okay." Gates looked more determined and less frustrated than she had that morning, but her anger still showed clearly through her voice. "Here's the main problem. You are all used to investigating homicides. You haven't been trained to investigate conspiracies. But right now, you aren't hunting ordinary killers, you're hunting dirty cops. Probably also a couple of dirty politicians. These are people with enough power to alter or hide evidence. Or plant it. But contrary to the decisions some of you have made up to this point, that does not make procedure less important. It makes it more important. When we take these people down, and you can be sure that we will take these people down, our case has to be rock-solid. Any inconsistency, any hint of a flaw, any whiff of impropriety will ensure that these bastards walk away unscathed. They are guaranteed to have the best legal assistance money and power can buy. And if we fail to bury them, they absolutely will come after us. Our only protection is to hold our cards close to our chests, document everything, and make sure you are never the only one in possession of a secret. That has been Beckett's mistake. She made herself a tempting target. If killing someone will make them safer, that person will die."

Esposito spoke for the first time since he'd come into the room. "If we have too many people involved, we won't be able to ensure the secrecy of the investigation."

Gates nodded. "That's true. The trick is to balance the number of people. We need enough to make it impossible to kill the group without risking a lot of unsafe attention, but small enough that we can vouch for the integrity of everyone involved. That's what we did in IA when we went after violent groups."

"We've had bad experiences with dirty cops from IA." Ryan looked guilty bringing it up to the captain, but Gates nodded her agreement. "How do we know who we can trust?"

"How do we ever know when to trust someone?" Gates met each of their eyes in turn, even turning slightly to look down at the sleeping Beckett. "We watch their behavior carefully. If it's consistent, we begin to trust them. We don't trust them to act in our favor, we trust them to behave according to their own pattern. I know cops who hate me but who would absolutely have my back in a fight because that's what they believe is the right thing to do. Some of the officers who despise me would take a bullet for me if it would serve the larger cause. We need to choose cops who have stood against corruption or temptation, people who are above reproach. I know several. I'm sure each of you do, too."

They were interrupted by muffled voices from outside the door. When the door opened a moment later, they could see a nurse being waved in by the two uniformed officers that Gates had stationed outside.

"Sorry, I just need to check Kate's IV. I'll only be a moment."

The group waited silently while the nurse checked the label and amount of fluid in the IV bag against her chart, noting something down and smiling politely at the group as she left. Lanie checked to make sure the door shut completely behind the woman.

"Dr. Parish," Gates turned to face Lanie directly. "We need to be sure that evidence is processed properly and that we can trust the results the lab gives us."

"I know a couple of people. Between the three of us, we can process anything that comes in. I'll make sure that we've got multiple copies of everything, too, so that they can't try to make it all go away by stealing a couple of files." Lanie looked more settled now that she had a plan and something to do.

"I'll look into the shooter's prison contacts." Esposito still looked like he wanted to hit someone. Castle hoped Esposito's anger wasn't going to be aimed at him. "Maybe we can't track the money, but we might be able to track who he was talking to. Someone must have offered him the job while he was still locked up."

"No." Gates pinned Esposito with a hard stare. "Detective Esposito, you were suspended yesterday for a week. You won't be coming anywhere near the official parts of this case until your suspension is over." She held up her hand when Esposito and Ryan both started to object. "I told you, this one has to be completely by the book. You and Beckett are suspended for seven days. Beckett's not going to be up to working before the end of the week. Speaking from experience, shoulder wounds take a long time to heal properly. You should stay with her. You've got your personal weapon on you, right?"

Esposito's face cleared as he caught where the captain's plan was going. "Of course. And a backup piece."

"Good. I plan to keep two officers on her door until she's released, but I won't be able to hand-pick all of the officers. I'd hate to think any of them could be coerced or bribed into harming her, but I won't overlook the possibility."

"What about me?" Castle tried to sound confident and calm, but the confidence started to shrivel when Gates turned to him. Far from glaring or snapping at him, she looked apologetic.

"Castle, we're going to have to shut you out of this completely. No," she stopped his shocked outburst with another raised hand. "It's not because I don't trust you. It's because you will appear to be untrustworthy. You're a writer, a consultant, and you are obviously head over heels for Beckett. You are compromised."

"I would never-"

"Yes, you would." Gates's eyes were the softest Castle had ever seen them. "You already have. You made a deal for her life because her life is more important to you than catching these people. That is good and right. For you. But not for this investigation. She is as safe as I can make her and I'd like you to stay with her to do what you can to keep her that way. Ryan and Esposito can keep you apprised of anything we find that might have a bearing on Beckett's or your safety, but I can't have you involved in any of the investigation."

Castle thought he felt his heart stop for a moment, found himself clutching at Kate's hand. "You have to let me help with this. I can't just go home and wait for everyone else to fix the problem."

"The captain's right, bro." Esposito shocked Castle by interrupting whatever Gates's response would have been. He looked like he was about to choke on the words, but he forced them out anyway. "I need to stay out of it this week. You need to stay out of it period. We don't just want to find out who these people are, we want to take them apart. Captain, I apologize for yesterday. We should have brought this to you sooner."

Gates nodded her acceptance of the apology before turning back to the group. "We all have more than enough to keep us busy for today. Check in regularly. No contacting suspects or even people of interest without making sure that at least 3 people know where you are and when you'll be back. Keep everything off the radio. Cell phones only until we nail these people."

Castle watched dejectedly as the captain left, trailed by Ryan. Lanie briefly touched Esposito's arm and kissed Kate's forehead before following the other two out. Esposito disappeared long enough to find a couple of chairs. He set them facing each other, then wheeled the tray from Kate's bed over between them to be a makeshift table.

"Come on, Castle. I'm going to kick your ass at poker."

Castle stared for a moment at the deck of cards Esposito had pulled from somewhere. "I don't really feel like playing."

"I know. Neither do I. Let's play anyway."

Castle met Esposito's eyes and understood the peace offering for what it was. Neither one of them was particularly comfortable with following procedure. Castle felt his frustrated anger begin to thaw as he realized their friendship would survive this.

His cell phone beeped with a new text message. He pulled it out of his pocket while Esposito started to deal out the cards.

_Dad, where are you? It's almost one o'clock._

"Oops."


	8. Chapter 8

Alexis hesitated in the hospital hallway under the guarded eyes of the two officers lounging outside Detective Beckett's room. Her obvious nerves drew their attention while she was still several long strides away.

"Can I help you with something?" The officer's voice wasn't threatening, but it also wasn't warm or friendly.

"Um, I'm looking for Detective Beckett's room?"

"Who are you?"

"Alexis Castle. I'm her partner's daughter. I brought some things for her and my dad." Alexis hefted the bag she was carrying and tried vainly not to be intimidated. She had spent a lot of time in the last four years being around police officers at the medical examiner's office and because of her dad, but these two were strangers. Their body language wasn't friendly and seemed to encourage people to walk quickly past them without stopping to chat. One of them cracked open the door to Beckett's room and called quietly inside. The other one continued to watch her with a politely neutral expression.

"Hey, Esposito. You know an Alexis Castle?" Alexis couldn't hear the response, but she saw the officer's posture relax as he opened the door wider and waved her through. "Yeah, you can go in."

"Thanks." Alexis tried to deliberately loosen her shoulders as she started to slip past them. The officer holding the door gave her a warm smile for a moment before the professional demeanor slid back in place as he closed the door behind her.

Alexis paused a moment to take in the tiny room and its occupants. Detective Beckett was sleeping, attached to an IV and a series of monitors that beeped quietly to themselves. Detective Esposito set down the book he had been reading and stood, extending a hand to help her with the heavy bag she was holding.

"Hey, Alexis. You okay?"

Alexis thought for a moment about brushing off the question, but she'd always liked Esposito and he honestly seemed to want to know.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Mostly. I'll probably be rattled later when it starts to set in." Her eyes snagged again on the woman in the hospital bed. "Detective Beckett seems so much larger than life most of the time. It's hard to wrap my mind around her getting shot again."

Alexis fought to contain the fear and uncertainty she could feel rising up her throat, but her eyes started to sting anyway. Esposito set an awkward hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, Alexis, it's okay. Beckett's going to be fine. She's just sleeping off some pain-killers and sedative. She'll be up and about before you know it. It was hardly more than a bad scratch. A mosquito bite."

"Alexis?" They both glanced over at the bed as they heard Beckett's quiet voice. Her eyes were open and only slightly hazy. "How did you get here? Where's Castle?"

"Castle just stepped down to the cafeteria to snag some lunch. He should be back any minute with the food." Esposito set down the bag he had taken from Alexis and settled back into his chair.

Alexis took a tentative step towards Beckett, wanting to throw her arms around her but unsure of whether the gesture would be a good idea. Beckett seemed to catch her hesitation and reached out a hand.

"Hey, Little Castle. It's been awhile. How've you been? Congratulations on graduation, by the way. Valedictorian. We're all very proud of you."

Alexis settled gently onto the edge of the bed, giving Beckett a shy smile as she took the offered hand in both of hers. "Yeah. It feels kind of surreal that high school is over. Did Dad tell you that I decided to go to Columbia?"

"No, he didn't. That's great."

"Columbia is a good school." Esposito looked mildly impressed before he grinned. "But we all knew you were a brain box. More common sense than your dad, too. You'll do fine."

"But I thought your dream was Stanford. Your dad told me that you got in." Beckett's brow creased with worry. "You decided not to go? I thought you were looking forward to getting out on your own."

"I want to stay closer to home. But you're right, I do want my space. That's why I'll be living in the dorm or maybe getting an apartment with some other students. I already told Dad that one condition of me not going to Stanford or Oxford is that he has to respect my boundaries. No showing up uninvited-"

Esposito snorted. "Good luck with that."

"-And he can't be calling me all the time. We haven't discussed it yet, but I plan to establish a call and texting limit per week." Alexis was surprised to feel a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth. She hadn't spent much time alone with her dad's friends, though she knew them all better after hearing stories from Dr. Parish.

Beckett's answer was interrupted by the door opening to admit Castle, carrying a tray piled with cafeteria food. Beckett rolled her eyes when she saw him.

"Castle, the trays are supposed to stay in the cafeteria."

"What? Oh, come on. I'm not stealing it, I'll put it back when I'm done." He set the tray down on the table where Esposito promptly started divvying up the food. Castle kissed the top of Alexis's head as he pulled her into a hug. "Hey, honey. Thanks for bringing me stuff. How was last night?"

"It was good." Alexis stepped back and settled in the other chair and snagged a jello cup. "We all cried like little girls and stayed up all night reminiscing. It's hard to grasp that we're probably never going to hang out again as a group. We're all going in different directions."

"You'll still hang out sometimes, Alexis," Beckett gave her a reassuring smile that was only a little sad around the edges. "Though you're right. It will never be the same again."

"I'm going to go snag us another chair."

Esposito slipped out the door and Alexis busied herself with examining what was available to steal from her dad's lunch. Castle leaned over to press a kiss to Beckett's forehead, but she caught the back of his neck and tugged him down to her lips. Alexis tried to distract herself with her food.

"Oh, gross." Esposito was back with another chair. "Get a more private room, guys. You're embarrassing the kids."

Alexis marveled at the absurdity of her reaction as she watched her dad and his friend portioning out food for the three of them while his partner's eyes slid closed in her hospital bed. The situation was frightening and Detective Beckett could have been seriously injured, and Alexis was facing what was probably her last summer ever with her high school friends, but she found herself wishing she could pause the world for awhile on this day.

She worried it might be the last time for awhile that she would know that everyone was happy and safe.


	9. Chapter 9

Kate struggled to lift eyelids that felt glued shut. Or maybe they were just too heavy. She gave up for a moment and contemplated the warm darkness she found herself in, slowly becoming aware of sounds and smells. Quiet beeping. Antiseptic. These were familiar and unpleasant, but not threatening.

The sound of breathing that wasn't her own. Warmth on her hand. A tickling sensation that might be hair on her arm.

She pried her eyes open, determined to see the sight she was certain would greet her. Castle was sleeping in the chair next to her bed, railing down so he could rest his head on her arm while he held her hand. His face was relaxed. She could feel the soft breeze of his breath on her skin. From the angle of her arm and his head, she thought he had probably fallen asleep while looking at her.

She wanted to be able to stroke his hair, but she had to content herself with looking. Her left arm was in a sling and her right arm was part of Castle's pillow. She was unwilling to move much for fear of waking him. The clock on the wall said it was after two and she could see from the darkness out the window that it was night. Esposito snored softly from a makeshift bed he had constructed from a couple of chairs on the other side of the tiny room.

Kate traced the lines of Castle's face with her eyes while she thought back on the day, sorting through her fragments of memory as if they were parts of a jigsaw puzzle she could piece back together.

The shooting itself was the familiar muddle of an unexpected fight. She saw again the man with the gun pointed in her direction, felt the shove she now knew was a bullet hitting her in the shoulder, and watched her shooter get run over by a taxi. She remembered the taste of adrenaline at the back of her throat. The memory of Gates's stormy expression morphed into the pain of hands applying pressure to her wound.

Kate shoved the memories away when they started to slide backwards into thoughts of a rooftop fight and yelling at Castle. She shifted slightly, trying to suppress the wince as she accidentally put too much pressure on a day-old bruise.

Castle's breathing changed. Kate glanced down to see eyes glittering at her in the dimly lit room. Castle lifted his head from her arm and opened his mouth to speak. Kate put a finger to her lips with a glance towards Esposito. He followed her glance and nodded. Kate expected him to shift away, but he surprised her by laying his head back down next to her arm. His fingers stroked softly over the back of her hand as he closed his eyes.

Kate felt the prickle of tears as she watched Castle fall back asleep. There was so much left unsaid between them that she really wanted to get sorted out, but she needed more privacy than the hospital was likely to provide. She settled for slipping her fingers through his as he slept and promised herself that she would grab the first chance she got to start settling the unfinished business between them.

* * *

The nurse woke everyone much too early the following morning when she briefly came in to check on Kate. Esposito groaned and stretched while pretending not to see how Castle had spent the night.

"This is not going to work long-term." Castle popped his back with a grimace. "I'm getting us a couple of camping cots for tonight. We'll have to move the chairs out when we set them up, but I think we'll have enough room."

"Right now I'd be happy with just a cup of coffee. Think the cafeteria's open yet?"

"I'll go find out and snag us some breakfast if it is." Castle checked his appearance in the mirror, straightening his shirt and running his fingers through his hair before leaving the room.

Kate eyed Esposito warily. She recognized the body language that always preceded one of his rare "big brother" lectures. She was not reassured that he'd come up with a reason for Castle to be absent for it.

"So." Esposito dropped into the chair that Castle had vacated. "How much of yesterday do you remember? After you got out of surgery, I mean."

"Not a whole lot. I remember everyone was here and talking about the case, but I was still pretty drugged. Where are we at? Do we have any leads?" Kate's stomach clenched painfully as she thought of a reason for Esposito's serious expression. "Is Gates going to fire me?"

"We've got some good leads and a solid plan for how to work the case. I get the impression that this isn't the first conspiracy Gates has taken on. We should have brought her in sooner." Esposito glanced down for a moment before meeting Kate's eyes with a sober determination. "You're not fired, and Gates agreed to ignore what you said about resigning. But we are still suspended for a week and you are off this case."

Kate's mouth fell open in shocked outrage, but Esposito held up a hand.

"Beckett, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that you've got more invested in this than anyone else, that you've got more insight into the situation. But Gates is right that you're too close. I'm not talking about us not taking a tactical team yesterday, I'm talking about exposing these people and getting some justice. Any defense lawyer in the country would be able to take our case apart if they knew you were investigating your own shooting and your mom's murder. They'd shred your credibility, saying you'd let emotion cloud your judgment or let personal grudges get in the way of good detective work."

"I'd never-" Kate cut her exclamation short at Esposito's look.

"You know as well as I do that facts matter less than perception in big, flashy court cases. And we may not know who exactly is behind all of this, but we know they're powerful and connected. When we get enough to drag their asses to trial, it's going to be a big deal. Gates is almost certainly going to want to find out what you know and get a copy of whatever you've got on your mom's case, but we won't keep you completely in the loop. Gates said yesterday that I could tell you anything safety-related, but that's it."

Kate didn't reply as the door opened to admit an orderly carrying her breakfast tray. She knew her confused emotions must be playing across her face because Esposito remained silent after the orderly had left. She looked at the situation from several angles, trying to find an argument that would convince Gates to change her mind, or at least would convince Esposito to help her investigate unofficially. It was an unhappy tribute to Kate's time with Dr. Burke that she was able to pick apart all of her own arguments and see them for the emotional excuses they were. Esposito left her to her thoughts as he picked up the book he'd been reading the day before.

Kate didn't look up again until Castle returned. He had another purloined cafeteria tray piled with an array of breakfast foods. Castle set the tray down on the table next to Kate's untouched breakfast, glancing warily between his two silent friends.

"Something I should know about?" Castle looked like he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to the question.

"Yes." Kate couldn't quite believe how steady her voice sounded in her own ears when she felt everything except calm. She couldn't bring herself to look at Castle as she forced the words out. "I'm off the case. I'll call Gates a little later to talk to her about my suspension, but I'm probably going to need to be on disability after I get out of here anyway. I can't stay in the city. There's too much temptation. I need to go somewhere else for awhile."

Kate finally risked a glance up at Castle. His eyes were unreadable and his face was alarmingly still. Kate's eyes widened a moment later as she realized what he must have heard in her statement. She reached out to grab his hand, tugging him a step closer to the bed as Esposito pretended to suddenly have urgent business elsewhere. He closed the door softly behind him as he stepped into the hallway.

"Castle, no. I'm not hiding again. I'll stay in touch, or..." Kate trailed off as her courage ebbed under his shuttered gaze. She finished the sentence in a voice too small to hear, eyes dropping to her lap as she let go of Castle's hand.

"What did you say?" Castle's confusion was less frightening than his sudden withdrawal had been. Kate steeled herself, reminding herself again that she hadn't survived the day before so that she could let Castle slip away again.

"You could come with me."

"What?" Castle's eyebrows were trying to disappear into his hair, but the sudden hope Kate could see in his eyes was reassuring.

"I need to get away from the city, but I don't need to get away from you. Come with me."

"Where?"

"I don't know."

"Okay."

Esposito stuck his head in the door. "I didn't hear the sounds of anyone being murdered. Is it safe for me to come back in now? Or should I find somewhere else to be for an hour or five?"

* * *

The days seemed to both fly and drag by. The tests and exams were grimly familiar as doctors looked for nerve and organ damage and took steps to prevent infection. The second surgery on her shoulder fished out one last piece of fragmented bullet as they tried to repair some of the muscle damage. Kate was not looking forward to fighting her way through physical therapy again. She staved off frustrated depression by reminding herself that at least this time she would go into it believing that recovery was possible.

Castle was a godsend for keeping her spirits up. He usually managed to tease her out of bad moods and he was a pillar of support while the doctors did painful things to try to determine the extent of the damage. Kate did catch a couple of times when Esposito prodded Castle with subtle hints, helping him to figure out how to express support without implying that Kate was an invalid. Kate could imagine what Dr. Burke would say about it, but she needed her friends to pretend she could take care of herself, even if she was weaker than a newborn kitten at times.

Friends and family stopped by often. Lanie made Kate laugh while scolding her about messing up their lunch plans. Esposito finally resumed working after a week of being her round the clock bodyguard. Ryan and Esposito both dropped by in the evenings on their way home from the precinct. Ryan occasionally stayed long enough for a hand of poker before heading home to Jenny. Jenny came by a couple of times, bringing get well wishes and cookies. Martha even drove down from the Hamptons more than once, and Kate surprised herself by enjoying being fussed over by his mother while she chafed at the same behavior from Castle.

Kate's father was less adept at hiding the shadows in his smile when he came to visit. She could see the strain around his eyes and acknowledged that he probably wouldn't be able to handle losing his daughter in addition to his wife. Kate had a sickening moment of epiphany one afternoon when she caught her father and Alexis exchanging understanding looks. Kate vowed silently to try to be more careful, both with herself and with Castle. It would shatter too many worlds if something fatal happened to either of them.

Less welcome were the frequent and frequently grueling visits from Captain Gates. Kate felt an unexpected sympathy with the crooked cops Gates had investigated during her years with Internal Affairs. The woman was pitiless and thorough. Every time Kate thought she'd described everything, Gates came back with even more detailed questions. Kate felt like her brain had been pulled sideways through a strainer. There couldn't possibly be anything left in her memories that hadn't been dredged up. It was with an almost physical wrench that Kate gave Gates her apartment key and the instructions to find everything she had on her mother's killers.

Loss of control was not Kate's favorite experience, especially when she knew it was necessary.

Eleven days into her stay, her doctors finally pronounced themselves convinced that she wouldn't die if she left the hospital. She was given several bottles of pills, a referral to the same physical therapy clinic she'd used before, and strict instructions to be gentle with her shoulder until the muscles had time to finish knitting themselves back together. There might have been some implied threats in the nurse's tone when she told Kate about the necessary follow-up appointments. Kate had done her best to be a cooperative patient during the past week and a half, but the nurse had noticed her contrary nature anyway.

* * *

Castle dropped Kate's bag into the trunk of his car before opening her door. He manfully refrained from helping her to sit, though Kate could see the urge in his twitching fingers. Apparently, the silent nudges from Esposito had had a lasting effect. Kate hid a smile as she lowered herself gently into the passenger seat. Castle faked a solemn expression as he slid into the driver's side and closed his door.

"You know, Kate, if you were getting tired of chauffeuring me everywhere, you could have just asked me to drive. You didn't need to get yourself shot if you wanted a break."

"I don't know, Castle, it seemed easier than dealing with the inevitable whining if I asked you to do some of the work. God knows I can't get you to help write reports even though I've been trying for four years."

"I have enough of my own writing to do, thank you." Castle pulled them out into traffic and turned towards Kate's apartment. "Now, is there anything we need to stop for after we get your things from your place?"

Kate regarded him with growing suspicion. "Where are we going?"

"The Hamptons. You said you wanted to get away from the city and you've never used that open invite to come with me. I've already called Mother and Alexis. They're expecting us in time for dinner."

Castle's glance was tentative and nervous as he waited to see what Kate did with the olive branch he was offering. Kate studied his face while Castle pretended to be completely occupied with traffic.

"I have most of what I need in my bag already. I just need to pack some more clothes."

Castle's smile stole her breath as it lit up his face. She settled more comfortably into her seat and looked out the window to hide what she knew was her matching grin.


	10. Chapter 10

Kate thought the first day would be awkward, but it wasn't. Castle had the radio on, singing loudly and occasionally off-key to make her laugh. They arrived shortly before six o'clock and Kate was swept up into gentle, lopsided hugs careful of her sling, then hustled into the house for a tour that left her head spinning. Castle had years ago seemed to figure out that Kate was more comfortable in diners and places where jeans fit the dress code. Even knowing his loft, it was easy to forget that he was really very wealthy.

The Hamptons house couldn't avoid broadcasting his money. Vaulted ceilings, ocean views, and a kitchen to make any chef weep with joy. The decor was understated and unassuming. Though everything was in pristine condition, Kate had no difficulty believing that a four-year-old Alexis had been allowed to roam unattended without fear that she'd break something expensive. The house was big enough to comfortably hold a dozen people, but small enough that Kate didn't feel like she'd need a map to find the kitchen.

Tour done, Castle ushered her into the living room. Kate hid her reaction as she tried to memorize the feel of his hand on her lower back while he guided her to the couch. He left her there with a mug of hot chocolate and a promise that dinner would be ready shortly. Martha settled in a nearby chair and kept Kate distracted with stories of theatre life and the antics of Castle as Alexis was growing up.

By the end of dinner, Kate was struggling to keep her eyes open and suppress her yawns. She'd barely finished her food before Martha was herding her up the stairs to her guest room, clucking in a motherly fashion as she made sure Kate had everything she needed. Kate sighed in relief as Martha closed the door behind her.

Alone at last.

Now that Kate was tucked in bed with the light off, her yawns deserted her. She was left staring at the ceiling, trying to find a position to lay in that didn't bother her shoulder. She could faintly hear the muffled conversation from the living room as Castle, Martha and Alexis did whatever it was that they usually did after dinner while on vacation.

She contemplated getting up and joining them, but this was the first real privacy she'd had in almost two weeks. She hadn't been alone for a minute in the hospital. Even after Esposito stopped acting as her bodyguard, Castle had stuck to her like glue. He'd only left for brief forays to the cafeteria, and even then she'd still had two uniforms outside her door and the normal noise of a busy hospital ward.

Thoughts of the hospital led to thoughts of the shooting, which led to thoughts of the case. Kate still couldn't entirely wrap her mind around the concept that it wasn't her concern anymore. She replayed all of her conversations (interrogations?) with Gates, trying to see if there was anything she'd left out, any connection she hadn't made. There was nothing. Whatever else could be said about the prickly captain of detectives, she was relentless and meticulous. Every impression, every hunch, every instinct had been discussed and dissected from multiple different angles.

The voices from downstairs were silent and the last of the daylight had stopped leaking around the heavy curtains by the time Kate roused herself from her thoughts. She might even have slept lightly, waking up into the same ruminations in which she had fallen asleep. The clock on the nightstand said it was still a few minutes shy of 11 o'clock. Kate tried to reach for sleep for another several minutes before giving up and sliding out of bed. She padded barefoot down the stairs towards the kitchen, planning to make herself a cup of tea to try to soothe her worries.

There was a light still on in the living room. She could see Castle stretched out on the couch holding a book, but it looked like his eyes weren't focused on the page. Kate hesitated in the doorway while she debated interrupting his thoughts. Castle glanced up. Kate froze like the proverbial deer as she tried to read the expression in his eyes.

"Hey. You're awake." Castle broke the moment, setting his book on the table as he stood to approach her. Kate gave a rueful laugh.

"I don't know if I actually slept. It's more like I got tired of staring at the ceiling. I thought I'd come down and make myself a cup of tea."

"How's the arm?" Castle turned and headed for the kitchen, Kate trailing after him.

"It's fine."

Castle snorted his disbelief. "Of course it is."

"No, really. I took a pain-killer after dinner. I'm okay, Castle."

He stopped in the doorway and turned to search her face with his eyes. Kate held still and forced herself to let him look without trying to hide anything. It was surprisingly difficult to override the instinct to shield her weaknesses. It felt like trying to voluntarily step off the edge of a cliff. She kept up a quiet mental chant that Castle was safe. There would be no harm from him.

Castle's expression softened as he watched the internal struggle being played out across her face. He brought up both hands to cup her cheeks, fingers trailing softly over her skin. Her hand came up to cover his.

"I love you." He held her gaze as if he could will her into believing him. She focused on remembering to breathe.

"Yeah."

Castle's lips twitched and his eyes crinkled with suppressed laughter. He dropped his hands and took a step back, turning again towards the kitchen.

"Come on. I'll make you a cup of tea. Then you really should try to get some sleep."

Kate took a deep breath and followed after him. She'd found firm ground beneath her feet after the fall.


	11. Chapter 11

Martha Rodgers knew she often came across as shallow and more than a bit foolish. She encouraged this impression for comedic effect. That did not mean she wasn't paying attention, especially where her son was concerned. It had taken years to get him to admit out loud that he was helplessly in love with Kate Beckett. Martha's heart had broken in sympathy for her child when he believed he needed to move on from Kate. Now she watched them together with a cautious and reluctant optimism.

Martha was sipping tea in a window seat, watching the sun slowly climb over the water on what promised to be a gorgeous day. Kate was sitting at the table out on the deck with a mug of cocoa and pretending to read a book. Richard and Alexis were trying to drown each other in the ocean. Martha couldn't hear their laughter from inside the house, but every time one of them came up spluttering in outraged joy, Kate's eyes flickered towards them over the top of her book and the corner of her mouth twitched in amusement.

Kate glanced up with a welcoming smile as Martha stepped out on the deck. She settled onto the bench beside Kate, watching her son and granddaughter playing in the water.

"Hard to believe she's 18 and headed off to college. It seems like only yesterday that I was saying goodbye to Richard for his freshman year."

"She's a remarkable young woman. You must be relieved she chose to stay close to home, though."

"Of course." Martha met Kate's eyes with a grin. "Do you have any idea how insufferable Richard is when he's pouting? He'd be moping around the house in his underwear, waxing poetic about how his child had abandoned him. It's hard enough whenever she leaves for short trips. I was appalled with myself the first time I realized I was hoping someone would've been murdered so that he'd go running to you. You're the only one I've seen who can cheer him up when he's like that."

Martha suppressed a smile at the quickly-hidden signs of surprise on Kate's face. She knew Kate knew that Richard loves her, but it was entertaining to watch her try to pretend she wasn't aware of it.

"It's not that difficult to deal with. Just toss an interesting mystery in his path and he's fine. Instant distraction." Kate's tone was almost perfectly nonchalant. Martha spent a moment wishing her acting students had as much talent. She let the silence drag on for a beat longer as she smirked quietly at Kate.

"You know very well that it's you he's distracted by, not the crime."

"Yeah." Kate was unable to meet Martha's eyes as she blushed faintly. Her next sentence was so quiet that Martha wondered if she knew she'd said it aloud. "I don't know why."

"You don't know why he loves you? Or you don't know why he's fascinated by you?" Martha's suspicions were confirmed when Kate's head snapped up, eyes wide and panicked.

"What?"

"Oh, come now, Kate. Surely you've figured out that much. Richard is madly in love with you, has been for years. You're a challenge, and he doesn't run into those very often. You're brilliant, funny, caring, dedicated, and you demand that he behave in accordance with his better nature. You make him want to be a better person. Who wouldn't fall in love with someone like that?"

Martha reached out to cover Kate's hand with her own as Kate's eyes started to look suspiciously wet. Kate dropped her eyes to her lap, squeezing Martha's hand and drawing in an audibly shaky breath. Martha let the silence settle around them as she watched Kate struggle to control her tears for a long minute. Kate turned to face her, drew in a remarkably steady breath to speak, and deflated as a sob escaped instead of words. Kate started to turn away to hide her distress, but Martha would have none of that. She pulled the young woman into her arms. Kate tucked her face against Martha's shoulder as she shook. Martha softly stroked her hair, murmuring nonsense sounds. She glanced down the beach to see that her son had seen them and started back towards the house. Martha shook her head and he halted in confusion. Alexis caught up with him while he paused, snagging his elbow and drawing him away again with a glance up at her grandmother. Smart kid.

Richard and Alexis were back in the water and apparently oblivious by the time Kate's breathing quieted. Martha shifted her hand to Kate's back as Kate sat up with a guilty expression. Martha cut off whatever she planned to say with a gentle shove on her uninjured shoulder.

"Nothing wrong with a good cry when you need it. Now go wash your face before Richard sees it or he'll want to talk about what's wrong. And get yourself some more cocoa on your way back, your mug is almost empty."

"Yes, Martha." Kate escaped with her mug into the house. She hadn't been gone for more than a minute before Richard dropped onto the seat next to Martha, soggy clothes dripping as Alexis panted up a moment later.

"Gram, was Kate crying?"

"Yes. Don't ask her about it. And run along and change, I need to talk to your father."

Alexis exchanged a silent look with her dad for a moment before going inside. Richard turned to his mother with poorly-hidden alarm on his face.

"Richard, go gently with that woman. I think this might be the first time she's ever really been in love and she doesn't know how to handle it."

"What? She said that?"

"She didn't have to. I'm a mother."

Martha patted his hand as she stood and made a dramatic exit.


	12. Chapter 12

Kate made it back to her room before she realized she was still holding her cocoa cup. The inch of brown liquid was cold and unappetizing. She set it on the nightstand and dropped herself softly onto the bed.

Castle's whole family was dangerous.

The conversation with Martha had started out innocently enough with talk of Alexis and college. But looking back on the incident, Kate could see that Castle's mother had come at her with every bit as much skill and cunning as Kate had ever used on a suspect. The only other time Kate could remember someone skipping that blithely past her defenses was during her very first case with Castle. He had almost magically divined some of her most closely-guarded weaknesses and showed them to her, all without asking a single question.

Kate suddenly realized who he must have learned the trick from and she didn't like it. She didn't like it at all.

It was a mistake to come here.

Coming here broke boundaries. It broke important boundaries that Kate needed. Boundaries are crucial to existence, they tell you what you can do and what you can't. They keep you safe. They allow society to function because everyone knows what they are allowed to take and what they must leave alone. Kate's vulnerable places were not things that she wanted anyone to poke at or mess with.

_What is the difference between a boundary and a fear?_

The thought sounded so much like Dr. Burke that Kate couldn't help glancing up at the empty room to verify that she was alone. But the question nagged at her.

At the heart of them, boundaries are about respect, society's way of instilling the principle that you should get permission before touching something that doesn't belong to you. Boundaries limit behavior.

Fears... Fears are limitations on oneself. Fears are meant to be understood. Fears exist to be faced, fought, and overcome. Fear is the voice screaming that you should run away from the sounds of gunfire or, and Kate laughed at her mental voice, the footfalls of the approaching zombie horde.

The real question was not whether Martha's probing caused pain. The real question was whether the pain resulted from a boundary being violated, or Kate's failure to overcome a fear. And if it was a fear, what was Kate afraid of?

Kate was still struggling with the question, but apparently her therapy-trained instincts weren't. An image presented itself in her mind. Kate saw herself being absorbed into Castle's life, living with him and Martha in his loft, playing laser tag with Castle and Alexis during school breaks, watching a child of her own growing up happy and provided for and safe as Kate's father swept his grandchild up into his arms. She saw herself being part of a family again.

But families don't last forever. The images changed to show her sitting with Castle at his mother's funeral, watching Alexis grow apart from her father as she matures and makes a life of her own, Kate's child growing up without a mother when Kate herself is murdered by some criminal for doing her job.

Kate flinched at the memory of the bullet hitting her shoulder. A stab of pain at the sudden movement drove home the injury in a way that the confining irritation of the sling had not. Her uninjured hand strayed to her side where she had a scar from a surgeon's scalpel. It marked the place where she'd been cut open so he could reach his hand inside to find the damage that stopped her heart. Kate remembered the feel of the bullet ripping through her chest. She remembered the look of panic and terror on Castle's face as her world went black around the edges and she knew that she was dying.

The sound of Castle's last words to her drifted up out of the past.

_I love you, Kate._

The man of many words only needed four of them to shatter her defenses. Kate hid her eyes with her hand even though there was no one in the room to see her face. She was surprised when her fingers came away wet.

Oh great. She was crying again.

"Way to go, Beckett." Her derisive words were loud in her silent room, voice rough with the tears she'd shed.

She bolted to her feet as someone knocked on her door. She winced as the sudden movement put pressure on her shoulder.

"Kate?"

Castle's offhanded tone wasn't entirely convincing. She fantasized for a moment about pretending to be asleep or deaf or not here, anything to keep from opening the door right now. She shook off her inertia with a disgusted snort. She was stronger than this. She wiped her face with her sleeve and took a breath before crossing the room to let Castle in.

"Hey." He didn't quite manage to hide the widening of his eyes when he saw her face. "We're about to start a movie marathon. You should come down soon or you'll miss the vote on what we watch."

"Yeah, okay. I'll be down in a minute."

Castle nodded and gave her a smile before heading back down the hallway towards the stairs. Kate took one last shuddering breath as she watched him walk away from her, picturing other times, other summers when she had watched him leave. She turned her steps towards the bathroom to wash her face.

She remembered to grab her mug and refilled it on her way to the living room. She settled onto the couch next to Castle. She was close enough that she could have leaned on him if she turned slightly to keep her sling from getting in the way. Alexis plopped down on the couch beside Kate with a large bowl of popcorn, their sides touching companionably. Castle nonchalantly stretched his arm across the couch to poke his daughter in the side of the head. He left his arm there even after the indignant laughter had ended. Martha fluttered around the room, flipping through the movie choices while making sarcastic comments about this director's style or that actor's sloppy delivery and startling a chuckle out of Kate.

The vote was taken, the decision was made, and the light was dimmed for the movie. Kate rested her head back against Castle's arm. At some point during the film, he snuck his other hand over to lace their fingers together in her lap and she let him. Alexis leaned her head on Kate's shoulder, occasionally holding up popcorn for Kate to eat as Alexis made steady inroads on their snack supply.

Kate admitted to herself in the darkest corner of her mind that she wanted this. She wanted this family, this sense of belonging, the feeling of being protected and loved and needed. The only question remaining was whether she wanted it badly enough to make peace with the reality that she could lose it.


	13. Chapter 13

Kate decided to push her own boundaries by doing one thing each day that raised her heart rate. She let Castle hold her hand during the movie on the first day. Martha's gentle probing on the second day had Kate quietly admitting to the older woman that she wanted a family but was afraid she didn't know how to reach for it.

The third day was harder. Castle and Kate were the last ones awake when Kate finally admitted defeat in the marathon Monopoly game they'd started six hours before. Martha and Alexis had been pushed out of the running somewhere around hour three, but Kate was determined not to go down without a fight. She went bankrupt shortly after midnight and her sudden jaw-cracking yawn convinced them that a rematch needed to wait until the morning.

They tidied the game away in a comfortable silence and walked up the stairs side by side. Castle paused with her at her door as he had done the previous two nights.

"Sweet dreams." He whispered the words in her ear while he pulled her into a hug. He took half a step back and placed a gentle kiss on her nose. Kate's hand snatched out to grab the back of his neck and haul him down where she could kiss him properly. She was not the only one breathing faster when they broke apart.

"I love you." Kate's nearly inaudible words carried clearly in the silent hallway.

Castle was struck speechless, but his eyes spoke volumes. His smile started as slowly as a sunrise and Kate could feel her own mouth mirroring the movement. She stepped closer, tucking her face against his shoulder as she wrapped her arm around his waist. He enveloped her in another embrace, dropping his head down beside hers as if he wanted to breathe her in and make her a part of him.

They stayed like that until Kate couldn't hold back another yawn. She felt the rumble of laughter in Castle's chest as he let her go and stepped away.

"See you tomorrow." He stroked his fingers over her cheek before turning and walking down the hallway.

Kate closed her bedroom door behind her and rested her head against the wall for a moment.

Courage was hard, but it was wonderful to go to bed feeling as if she'd accomplished something useful with her day. She slipped into bed and fell asleep wondering what she could do on day four.

.

.

.

* * *

**AN:** I swore to myself that chapter 13 was the one where plot would come back into the mix, but the people of my county decided to have a violent and somewhat flame-filled Friday night. I was in no mood when I got home to write anything of substance. Thus do you all get some fluff. We will soon return to the plot because doing otherwise would be like having nothing but cake and ice cream for dinner. You've been warned.


	14. Chapter 14

Their fourth morning at the Hamptons house was only a few hours old. Alexis didn't like the look of the clouds and decided to postpone the walk she wanted to take. She sighed and figured it was a sign from the universe that she needed to start her college reading. Alexis had just settled on the couch with one of her Intro to Lit textbooks when her father wandered through.

"Hey, honey." Her father looked awake enough that the coffee in his hand couldn't be his first cup. He caught sight of the thick book. "Doing a little... light reading?"

"I wanted to get a head start on the semester. I found the reading list on the department website and I bought a couple of the most interesting-looking." Alexis didn't bother to look up as she perused the table of contents.

"Alexis! Homework? In the summer? Are we sure you're related to me?" Her father failed to snatch the book away as she slid past him to shelter on the other side of the coffee table. Kate entered from the kitchen just in time to witness the altercation. She leaned against the doorjamb to watch their antics as she hid a smile behind her coffee cup.

"Dad, I'm taking 18 credits. I'm going to be really busy. If I can get any of it done ahead of time, I'm going to."

"You know, Castle," Kate grinned at them both, "If you're really worried about it, I'm sure we could ask Lanie to run a DNA test."

Her father's reply was interrupted by the ringing of Kate's phone. She threw another grin at them over her shoulder as she set down her coffee and stepped out into the hall to answer it. Alexis's father turned his attention back to the book in her hand as Alexis started inching towards the door.

"No, you won't escape that easily, you little fiend. This is the first real week of our vacation and you will slack off and be irresponsible like a proper Castle!"

Alexis squealed with laughter as she darted for the door, her father in hot pursuit.

* * *

"Hey Ryan," Kate wished she could plug her other ear as the squealing from the living room made it difficult to hear the phone. "How are things? I haven't heard from you guys in a couple of days."

"Everything's great here." Ryan's voice sounded odd. Kate walked faster away from the noise of Alexis and Castle's roughhousing. "I just wanted to check in with you before you leave on your big camping trip today. Castle said you were going far enough from civilization that you'd be leaving your cell phones behind. I didn't want you to think we'd forgotten about you before you left."

"Camping trip?" Kate shut her bedroom door behind her, brow wrinkling in confusion. "He hasn't said anything about a camping trip."

"Oh, I'm sorry. It must be a surprise. He said he wanted to spend some quality time with Alexis and you and his mother before Alexis left for college. Something about getting his daughter entirely unplugged from her electronics so that she had to socialize with the family. Please don't tell him I ruined the surprise. I'd hate for him to kill off my character in his next book. He'd probably make it something humiliating and pointless like getting kidnapped and killed just before the bad guy gets caught."

"Okay, I won't tell him. How's everything else going?"

"Same old stuff, different day. You know the drill. It's actually been pretty quiet. Not really much to work on this week." Kate's alarm grew as the artificial cheerfulness in Ryan's voice became more pronounced. "But oh, I have to go. Esposito's waving at me. I guess we've got a big case. Castle said you'd be gone for a week. Call me when you get back, we'll swap stories."

Kate stared in shock at the phone in her hand. Ryan had hung up on her. She sat on her bed, mind whirling as she tried to find a story that made Ryan's behavior make sense. Castle said they were going camping? Richard "I'd like to have my smartphone surgically attached to my hand" Castle was planning to do without for a week and he hadn't mentioned it?

Kate went in search of the man who might have some answers.

* * *

Castle caught up to his daughter as she pounded across the beach in a futile attempt to keep her illicit reading material away from him. He tackled her, rolling slightly to the side to take most of the impact as they landed.

"It's mine! My precious!" Alexis's struggle to hold the book away from him was severely limited by her inability to stop laughing.

"See? Even you know it's an unhealthy fascination! It's my paternal duty to take it away from you!" Castle finally managed to wrest the book from her hands, standing up to do a proud victory dance with it over his head as his daughter tried to jump high enough to steal it back.

"Castle!" Kate's voice was mostly carried away by the wind. Castle turned to see her making her barefooted way out to them from the house.

"Kate?" Castle started towards her. Alexis padded along behind with a more somber expression as she saw the look on Kate's face. They met some distance from the house and Castle felt his own concern mounting as he noted the tension around Kate's mouth. "What's wrong?"

"Maybe nothing." Kate's eyes belied her statement. "Ryan called. He sounded... weird. He said he didn't really have any reason for calling, he just wanted to catch us before we left on our camping trip."

"You wanted to go camping?" Castle would admit to having had some very entertaining dreams of Kate alone with him in the woods, but she struck him as more of a city girl.

"No. Ryan said you'd told him we were going out into the woods far enough that cell phones wouldn't work. He said we were all leaving today and asked that I call him in a week when we get back."

Castle could see his own feelings reflected in the grim line of Kate's mouth. He turned towards Alexis.

"Go get Gram, please, and bring her out here."

"Okay." Alexis turned immediately to obey, stopping when Kate called out.

"Don't say anything in the house."

Castle thought it was probably the wide eyes that made Alexis look so much younger than her eighteen years as she sped off to find her grandmother.

* * *

Alexis knew she was missing large parts of the story as she sprinted for the house. That didn't mean she was too dumb to recognize a simple code when she heard one. Whatever was going on was bad enough for Detective Ryan to suggest they disappear for a week. She couldn't decide which was more disturbing, the fact that he gave the warning in such a cloak and dagger way, or the fact that he specifically wanted them to leave their cell phones behind.

Her legs were beginning to burn as she pounded up onto the patio. She slowed to a walk inside the house, calling out in the most relaxed tone she could manage.

"Gram?"

"In the kitchen, darling."

"Dad's looking for you." Her grandmother's eyes took in Alexis's windblown and slightly breathless appearance, lingering on her tense face. "He said it's important."

Her grandmother promptly set down the paper she was reading and grabbed a shawl. Alexis turned without another word and headed for the door.

* * *

"That's the most outrageous thing I've ever heard and I've heard some stupidly outrageous things in my time." Martha glared at Kate. "You are absolutely not going off on your own. You are coming with the rest of us like Detective Ryan told you to."

Alexis and her grandmother had arrived on the beach to interrupt a furiously whispered argument between her father and Kate. The topic had become immediately clear when her dad yelled that Kate was not an acceptable loss and she was damn well going to stay safe with the rest of them. Kate glared at Martha.

"I'm the one they're interested in. You'll be safer if I'm somewhere else. I'm not going to go charging off on some kind of hero's mission, I'm just going to make it obvious that I'm away from the rest of you. We'll both stop at a diner or something and use credit cards to show we're headed in opposite directions at the same time, then I'll drop off the grid and find somewhere to hide. We'll meet up at the end of the week."

"Detective Beckett," Alexis interrupted her father's angry reply. Kate's head snapped around at the use of her title, probably shocked because Alexis had taken to calling her by her first name over the past weeks. "Even if what you're saying is true and there's someone who can track you by your credit cards, why would we need to stay apart? Why couldn't you come find us afterward?"

Alexis held Kate's eyes, trying to convey with the look that she already knew what Kate's answer was and wanted her to say it out loud so that the logic could be refuted. Kate clearly got at least part of the message as she sagged. She opened her mouth twice without speaking and dropped her eyes to the ground for a moment.

"Because it's the right thing to do."

"That's not good enough." Her dad stepped directly in front of Kate. Alexis held her breath. She'd never seen her father look so fierce. She would have sworn it wasn't in his goofy, childlike nature. Apparently, Kate thought the same thing because she shifted half a step backward.

"Castle, please. Let me keep you safe." Kate's voice was getting quieter the longer the argument continued. Alexis hoped they were close to wearing her down.

"Like I kept you safe? I seem to recall you objecting – loudly! – to that when I did it. Why would this be different?"

Kate looked at the three of them as if she were hoping for support or looking for a way out. Alexis met her glance with a hard stare and knew her grandmother was likely to give a matching one. Kate would get no approval for her crazy idea from them.

"Fine." Alexis couldn't tell if Kate sounded scared or angry as she turned on her heel and stalked off towards the house.

"That went better than I expected." Her father's sigh was a relieved whoosh of air.

"Better?" Martha raised an incredulous eyebrow.

"Yes." Her father nodded as he turned to follow Kate. "I thought I might have to carry her again. She probably wouldn't have forgiven me after last time."

Alexis and her grandmother exchanged puzzled glances before they followed him.

* * *

There were four duffle bags full of clothes, another full of supplies, one confused teenager, one worried actress, and a furious detective waiting in the car as Castle closed the trunk and slid into the driver's seat. No one spoke. They stopped at a bank so Castle could take out enough cash to cover their likely (and unlikely) expenses, then stopped at a car rental shop. Fifteen minutes later, they were cruising down the highway towards the Adirondacks in a rented SUV. Castle had spent ten of those fifteen minutes convincing the annoying clerk that he really did want a vehicle without GPS-based roadside assistance, no matter how convenient a service it was. They made one more stop at a camping supply store and put a dent in Castle's stock of cash while buying tents, sleeping bags, backpacks, and various other supplies.

Sunset found them in a meadow two hours from the spot they'd hidden the SUV. They were roasting marshmallows around a campfire and talking of deliberately light topics, as if mentioning the reason for their sudden camping trip could call down hostile attention.

Alexis retreated early to her tent. She reminded herself that it wasn't Kate's fault they were out here. It wasn't Kate's fault that they might be in danger. And it wasn't Kate's fault that they were going to be living without modern amenities for a week, no matter how much Alexis was going to miss hot showers and flush toilets, especially if it started to rain.

Alexis was still reminding herself of this when she fell asleep.

* * *

**AN:** One reviewer planted the thought of doing a companion story to this one, but from the perspective of the ones working the case. That's an interesting enough idea that I'm seriously considering it. There's too much plot available for me to be happy wrapping it into this story. I don't know how quickly life will let me get to it, but I do believe I'll try.


	15. Chapter 15

The campfire had burned to embers. Martha and Alexis had retreated to their respective tents hours before. Kate sat with her face tipped up to the stars and Castle stared at the dying fire in the moonlight. Neither one had spoken since Martha excused herself.

"The night before I got shot," Kate's voice startled him out of his thoughts, "Why didn't you sleep with me?"

"You were injured." Castle studied her as he tried to figure out where this was coming from, but her eyes were fixed on the sky and he couldn't read her face in the darkness.

"I had a couple of bruises. I might've been an emotional mess, but I wasn't physically that bad off." Kate finally turned to look at him and her eyes glittered more than they should. He hadn't heard the restrained tears in her voice. "You left me on the couch. Were you already planning to sneak out and go to Gates behind my back?"

"No. I didn't think of that until I woke up before you did."

"Then why?"

"Because it would've been the right action for the wrong reasons."

"You didn't seem to mind at first."

Castle laughed with genuine amusement. "Of course I didn't mind. Have you looked in a mirror? You're phenomenal. No straight guy on this planet would fail to react to the feel of you pressed willingly against him. It makes my heart beat faster just to remember it. But you mean so much more to me than some casual fling and I wasn't about to screw up what we have."

"I love you, too." Kate's half-strangled whisper floated to him through the darkness. "How could that be the wrong reason?"

Castle couldn't resist the uncertainty in her voice. He dragged his chair over to face hers. Their knees were touching as he gripped her hands hard and held her eyes with his own.

"Because I've seen the way you use sex. You use it to avoid having to be honest, to avoid being brave enough to stand calmly, look me in the eye, and tell me how you feel." He shifted his hands to cradle her face, bringing his own close enough that she closed her eyes for a moment to savor the contact before looking back at him. "The first time we make love isn't going to be because you're too frightened to do anything else. You're not going to be angry, or scared, or trying desperately to keep me with you. You're going to be laughing and happy. I'll look into your eyes while you feel like you're flying apart and you'll know that I will never voluntarily leave you. And you'll know that you never want to leave me, either."

Kate stared at him, eyes wide and breathing faster than she had been a minute ago.

"Kate, you know how to ask for sex. I want you to prove that you trust me enough to ask for everything else you need, not just physical comfort. I need you to trust me enough to not panic at what you feel."

"I don't panic." Kate bridled, but Castle could see that even she didn't entirely believe her words. He closed the distance between them to kiss her thoroughly. Her hand found it's way into his hair as she slid across the gap between their chairs to end up in his lap. He didn't break the kiss until after her tense grip loosened and she moved to stroke his face.

"Prove it." Castle almost laughed at the lack of comprehension on her face. She looked as if she'd forgotten what they'd been talking about. "Prove that you can be brave enough to accept everything I'm offering. We've got a week in the woods with no distractions. If you can convince me in that time, I'll make it worth your efforts when we get back to civilization."

He emphasized his point with another kiss, breaking it when he stood up and set her back on her feet. He knew she couldn't see the gleefully evil glint in his eye, but there was enough light that she should be able to see the width of his grin.

"Goodnight, Kate."

He walked away to his tent. He zipped the flap closed and knelt silently, trying to slow his own racing heart. He heard Kate drop back into her chair with a quiet curse and he couldn't resist a silent chuckle. If he knew Kate at all, she wouldn't be able to resist the challenge he'd just issued.

This week was likely to be interesting enough to make up for the circumstances that forced them into the mountains. Castle found himself looking forward to the rest of their involuntary camping trip.


	16. Chapter 16

Martha savored a cup of coffee while she watched the sun come up over the trees. The night before had been brutal. "Well-aged" bodies should not be made to sleep on the ground in a cold tent overnight. She might not let anyone else call her old, but the aches and creaks her body had acquired this morning told her that the thin camping pad was not going to be enjoyable for the week.

At least the view was worth it. The sun had only just come up when Martha gave up on sleep and got the campfire started again. She spent an enjoyable time watching the clouds change colors before Kate woke up and joined her. Kate seemed to be in a mood, glowering at the fire and lost in thought as she took off her sling to rub at her arm. Martha let herself be ignored after Kate's distracted greeting.

Richard was the next one to stumble bleary-eyed from his tent. Martha watched them surreptitiously from the corner of her eye to see if perhaps Kate's mood had infected Richard during the night. He seemed to be his usual morning self, puttering around the camp while brushing his teeth and making himself one of the absurd instant hiker's breakfasts. Martha spared a moment to grieve for the contents of the pantry at the Hamptons house. She'd been the first one to arrive this summer and had taken it upon herself to acquire the groceries. So of course she'd stocked it will all her favorites. And now she had to spend her time eating whatever she could cook with a fire and a pot of water.

"Castle?" Kate had pulled herself back from whatever ruminations she'd been lost in. "Could you take a walk with me?"

Martha hid a silent snicker in her mug. Even only half-awake, Richard wasn't slow enough to miss how ominous that sounded.

"Sure."

Kate slipped her sling back on as they headed off. Martha couldn't guess which of their possible conversation topics were most likely, but she was glad to be missing the drama. Young people always made their lives so much more complicated than they needed to be.

Martha glanced at her watch and saw that it was well after when Alexis normally woke up. She listened carefully and could hear the sound of pages turning inside Alexis's tent.

"Alexis, darling," Martha called over her shoulder, "If you're going to spend all day studying, you should probably eat breakfast first. And it's safe to read out here where the light is better. Your father's not around."

Martha didn't turn around as she heard the zipper on Alexis's tent flap. She dropped into the chair next to her grandmother, textbook in hand.

"Where's Dad?"

"Kate asked him to go for a walk." Martha's attention sharpened as an expression of sullen resentment flickered across Alexis's face. "What's wrong?"

"What? Nothing."

"Don't give me that. Out with it. I said Kate's name and you positively scowled. Did you two have an argument?"

Alexis stared wide-eyed at her grandmother, then looked down at the book in her lap and blushed.

"No, Kate and I didn't have a fight. I'm just cranky because I didn't sleep well. I'm not used to the noises out here. Every time a twig snapped or the wind changed, I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I kept thinking I heard something moving or breathing or something, but I know I was imagining things."

"Ah." Martha sipped her coffee to buy herself a moment to think. "It probably doesn't help that paranoia might be warranted this week, does it?"

"I guess not." Alexis's obvious guilt told Martha that it wasn't a novel thought to her. The teenager sat silently for a moment before retreating to the food box to find herself something to eat. She resumed her seat with a bowl of oatmeal. She poked at it for awhile before she spoke again. "I know it's not Kate's fault that this is happening. I know Dad's the one who chooses to follow her around into danger all the time. But I really wish she wouldn't let him go with her. I don't think I'd be able to handle it if something happened to him. But at the same time, I feel horrible for wishing that because then Kate would be going off and doing dangerous things without anybody to look out for her and she might get hurt. Or killed. But, Gram, Kate's been shot. Twice. Dad hasn't said so in as many words, but I'm pretty sure he's been shot at, too, and not just coincidentally nearby like that time at the funeral. Most of the time, I can manage not to think about it too much, but this week... It's hard to ignore that we're out in the middle of nowhere with bugs and cold and probably rain later and tree roots poking me in the back while I'm trying to sleep. And I just want to go home. I want it to be safe enough that we can just go home. Am I a horrible person?"

"Oh honey, no." Martha reached across to grasp her granddaughter's hand. "That's all understandable. I wish things were different, too. You think I like watching my only child doing things that I think are dangerous and could possibly get him killed? Of course not. But over the years I've had to come to grips with the same thing you're struggling with. Your father is an adult and can make his own decisions, even if we disagree with them. I might wish that his choices were different, but I can't regret how it's changed him. He's grown up a lot in the years he's been shadowing Kate and I approve of the people he's made friends with. He was lonely and miserable before he met them and they're good people. I can understand his loyalty to them."

Martha gave Alexis's hand one last squeeze as the teenager chuckled quietly. "It's weird to think of Dad growing up over the past couple years, but you're right. He's a lot happier now than he used to be. And I do like Kate a lot. I just wish things were different."

"You and me both, kiddo."

"What do you suppose they're talking about, wherever they are?" Alexis looked around the camp, finally processing the fact that both Kate and her father were gone.

"No idea. But judging from Kate's face before they left, your father's probably wishing he stayed behind."

Martha's grin was entirely unsympathetic and Alexis laughed again before finally eating her oatmeal.

* * *

**AN:** Hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th of July weekend. For those playing with fireworks, please have pity on your local 911 dispatchers. Drunk people shouldn't play with explosives (even little ones) and sober people should know enough to have the hose handy in case of problems. And wish me luck. This is the worst weekend of the year for emergency services. I've dubbed it Apocalypse Weekend, the high point of Apocalypse Season (otherwise known as summer).

On another note, does anyone know of any good fic rec communities on Livejournal for Castle? I've got a couple that I love for other shows, but not any Castle-specific ones.


	17. Chapter 17

They walked along in silence for awhile. Each was lost in their own thoughts as they listened to the birds sing in the gradually increasing daylight. Kate settled onto a fallen tree and pulled off her sling. Castle sat on the log out of the way on her good side, watching as she moved her arm slowly through some range of motion exercises.

"I figured since I'll be missing physical therapy this week, I should probably remember to work out properly." Kate winced as she accidentally moved too fast for the healing muscles. Castle flinched in sympathy. He hated seeing her in pain, even if he knew it was a healthy kind of discomfort.

"You shouldn't overdo it, though."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." Kate stopped and turned to face him, resting her left hand softly in her lap. "I need you to not try to protect me."

Castle's brow wrinkled in confusion at her profoundly misguided statement. "Not going to happen. I will always try to protect you. I wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened to you. Something permanent, I mean, though I'm not thrilled with this, either."

"Castle, stop. That's not what I meant." Kate ran a hand over her eyes. "I'm not doing this well. Let me start over."

Castle waited silently while he watched Kate struggle to find the right words. He manfully didn't fidget or try to take her hand in his as he watched her troubled emotions shifting across her face.

"You said you want me to be honest with you, to admit when I'm feeling things that I'm not comfortable or confident about feeling. I can do that. But I'll need something from you. I'll need you to not try to fix me."

"I would never-" Castle choked off the rest of his sentence as she glared.

"Your turn to talk now? Or do you want to hear the rest of what I have to say?"

"No, I'm good. Continue." Castle pantomimed zipping his lips shut and handing her the invisible key. He was rewarded with a twitch at the corner of her mouth and a lessening of the glare.

"Part of why I try to hide my vulnerabilities is because they are the parts of me that I don't want people messing with. I will promise to do my best to let you see them, but you have to promise not to poke at them or try to fix them or mention them to anyone except me. And they absolutely can't show up as parts of Nikki."

That was too much. Castle stiffened and opened his mouth to voice his outrage at the thought that he would violate her trust like that. He closed it again without speaking when he suddenly recognized that it was a legitimate fear from her perspective. In many ways, this entire unplanned camping trip was a result of him digging into her past, poking at and trying to fix the one thing she had asked him to leave alone. He came out of his brief reverie to find her watching him with an uncomfortably closed expression.

"I know I've said it before." His words came out slowly as he stared down at the ground for a moment before squarely meeting her eyes. "And I'll probably say it several hundred more times before I die, hopefully of extreme old age and not from you shooting me. I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry that I've given you reasons not to trust me. I can't fix the past, but I give you my most solemn word that I will do my best to never give you cause to doubt me again."

Castle knew he was forgiven when he saw the faint glitter of tears in Kate's eyes. He finally gave into the urge to reach over and take her hand in both of his.

"I can't remake myself into the kind of person who is comfortable being open and honest with everyone. And, frankly, I don't want to." Kate's voice was as quiet as Castle's had been. "I can only promise that I'll do everything I can to be open and honest with you."

"That's all I want." Castle grinned innocently at her for a moment before he let the mischief start to creep into his eyes. "So... We've just had our first fight."

"Castle, that was not a fight. And even if it was, it definitely wasn't our first." Kate rolled her eyes at him and took her hand back. She settled more securely atop the rotten log as she gently resumed stretching her injured arm.

"Does that mean no make-up sex?" Castle put effort into sounding hurt and abandoned. He declared a silent victory when Kate's lips twitched towards a smile before she managed to level another glare at him.

"I am not sleeping with you in the dirt where bugs could crawl on us."

"I have a tent." Castle waggled his eyebrows and grinned. Kate surrendered a laugh.

"A tent that's within sight and hearing distance of both your mother and your teenage daughter. No."

"We could move the tent."

"No, Castle."

"Fine." Castle heaved a particularly melodramatic sigh. "Just remember that it's your fault this time, not mine."

"Shut up and come sit on my other side where you can help me stretch out my arm."

"That was so close to being the perfect sentence."

Castle savored the grin Kate could no longer suppress as he moved to obey.

* * *

**AN:** I really wasn't planning to get any writing done this weekend, but this story has unexpectedly turned into my relief from the stress of my work. So thank you all for giving me an excuse and the encouragement to write it.


	18. Chapter 18

Alexis was the first to see her father and Kate meandering back towards camp. She'd been braced for the worst after her grandmother's comments about what kind of conversation they'd be having, but they looked relaxed. Happy. Alexis saw her dad stop Kate when they were still mostly hidden by trees. She yanked her gaze down to the textbook she'd been reading. It's not like they were doing anything indecent, and she really didn't mind Kate dating her dad, but what teenager wanted to watch her parent sucking face with anyone? Eew.

Her intentional obliviousness allowed her father to get much closer than was wise. She realized where he was at the same moment that he succeeded in snatching the textbook out of her hands. He grinned at her as he jumped back out of range and tucked it behind his back.

"Dad! I was reading that!"

"Oh, Richard, leave the child alone." Gram's voice held more laughter than sympathy. She didn't stir from her chair as Alexis leapt up to advance on her father.

"I'll have you know, young lady, that we're still on vacation. Textbooks will only be allowed after sunset." Her father was a comical mix of stern and pompous. Alexis laughed and made another failed grab for her book. Her father held it straight out behind him, using a hand on Alexis's forehead to keep her away from it.

"I don't want to run down all the flashlight batteries and reading by firelight is bad for my eyes. Do you want me to go blind?" Alexis tried to fix her father with a steely gaze, but she could feel the suppressed laughter crinkling around her eyes.

Her father's eyes widened in shock as he felt the book yanked from his hand. He whirled to see Kate dancing away and flipping the book to Alexis as if it were a frisbee. Alexis caught it in both hands and sprinted away.

"Nice move, Kate!" Gram was clearly partisan even if she wasn't participating in the fight.

"Kate, let go! I have to save my child from being industrious and disciplined!"

Alexis risked a glance over her shoulder to see her father doggedly trying to follow her, towing a laughing Kate who was hanging on one-handed to the back of his shirt. Alexis collapsed to the ground in a helpless fit of giggles.

"Dad, you look like a sled dog!"

"I'll show you a sled dog!" Her dad dug in even harder. Kate's feet cut runnels in the sticks and leaves scattered across the ground. She let go suddenly and Alexis's father got a mouthful of dirt as he went sprawling. Gram looked like she was in danger of falling out of her chair from laughing too hard.

Kate flopped to the ground next to him as he spat out twigs. Alexis wandered back close enough to see that he was grinning, but kept the book far enough away to avoid tempting him again.

"So, Castle. Ready to give up?"

"Yes, I yield to you crafty, vicious, evil women. I'm outnumbered and outgunned."

Kate waved Alexis closer as her dad sat up to brush twigs from his hair.

"Terms of surrender." Kate looked back and forth between Alexis and her father. "Alexis is allowed to read from whenever she wakes up until noon. You have to leave her alone while she does it. But to show I'm not completely heartless, I'll help you test out the absurd number of travel games you were suckered into buying."

"I wasn't suckered! They were on sale! And they come in those neat little pouches."

Kate laughed and stood up, holding out a hand to help him to his feet. "Don't make me kick your ass one-handed again."

"Okay, okay. I agree to the terms of surrender."

The two of them settled into the chairs around the fire. Alexis ducked into her tent to take advantage of her last hour of reading time for today.

This thing with Kate dating her dad might work out very well after all.

* * *

**AN:** Another bonus chapter because I was de-stressing from work. You're welcome.


	19. Chapter 19

They spent that first afternoon exploring the area around their camp as a group. Martha and Castle headed back to camp after an hour or so. Castle claimed he was tired and feeling lazy, but Kate knew it was really that he wanted to keep his mother company. Martha wasn't up to clambering over some of the rocks and slides that Kate wanted to get the lay of.

Kate and Alexis wandered uphill in a comfortable silence. Kate hoisted herself up to the top of a large rock next to a break in the trees that looked out over the land below. She turned and bent to offer Alexis a hand up.

"Thanks." Alexis stood next to Kate and examined the view. "It doesn't feel like we should really be this high up. We weren't climbing for that long."

"Yeah, but our camp isn't all the way at the bottom of the hill, so we didn't entirely have to earn our view." Kate settled herself on the flat top of the rock and patted the spot next to her. "But I'm beat anyway. Let's rest here for a bit before we head back."

Kate shaded her eyes against the sun and looked back down the way they'd come. She could just make out the clearing she thought the tents were in. There was a reassuring lack of roads, cabins, or any other signs of humans nearby. They'd picked an isolated hiding spot.

"What do you see?" Alexis's voice drifted to Kate on the gentle breeze.

"Trees, mountains, a couple of little streams. It's pretty." Kate busied herself with removing her sling and stretching out her arm.

"So you're not making sure we camped far enough away from other people and that there aren't any black helicopters searching for us?"

Kate shot a sharp look at the teenager sitting next to her. "We clearly haven't spent enough time together. I'd forgotten how perceptive you are."

"Thank you for being honest with me and not denying it."

"Sure." Kate laughed without meeting Alexis's eyes. "Honesty is my new policy. Or it's trying to be, anyway."

"Is that what you and my dad were talking about this morning?" Alexis reddened at Kate's startled glance. "Sorry. That's not really my business. Forget I asked."

The silence was awkward until Kate broke it.

"Yeah. That's what he and I were talking about. Your dad is instinctively a lot more open about what he's thinking or feeling than I am. Sometimes I think he couldn't hide his thoughts for a full day if his life depended on it." Kate's shoulders loosened when Alexis laughed at the observation.

"That's my dad. Gram's the one to go to if you want something kept a secret. Dad wouldn't intentionally tell, but you can see all over his face that he knows something and desperately wants to be allowed to say it."

"Must be tough sometimes."

"How so?" Alexis scooted around to face Kate. Kate gave her a small, understanding smile.

"Well, your dad can act like such a child sometimes that I imagine there are moments when you feel like you're raising him instead of the other way around."

"Maybe." Alexis looked like she was giving the statement some serious thought. "But I mostly don't mind. Dad and Gram are both a bit eccentric, but they've always been there when I needed them. Even sometimes when I didn't want them to be."

"You've got a great family."

"Yeah." Alexis smiled and glanced out over the tree tops towards their clearing. "They might be nutty, but they're mine."

"Keeping with the theme of honesty, I want you to know that I will never try to take your dad away from you." Kate met Alexis's quizzical look with a serious expression. "I could see almost from our first case together how deeply he cares about you. He talks about you all the time. I want you to know that I'd never try to interfere with the bond you two have."

"He talks about you a lot, too." Alexis still looked a bit pink from the nature of their conversation, but Kate gave her points for pushing ahead anyway. "You know he's in love with you?"

"Yes."

"Are you in love with him, too?"

"Yes." Kate felt a little odd saying it out loud to Castle's daughter, but she could feel the smile tugging at the edge of her mouth. She gave herself a mental snort for turning into such a sap.

"Are you planning to marry him?"

"What?" Kate felt herself freeze, eyes wide and breath catching. She forced herself to inhale calmly. "That's... We- I mean... We haven't even talked about dating. Marriage is... not in the plans at the moment. It's too early in the relationship to be planning that far ahead."

Kate finally raised a mortified face to meet Alexis's eyes. Alexis was wearing her father's evil grin.

"You twerp!" Kate laughed as she realized Alexis was pulling the same stunt her father did, trying to get a rise out of her. "Just remember this moment when I get back at you in the future by asking you embarrassing questions about your boyfriend. Keep this kind of thing up and I'll be sure to ask the questions when your dad's around."

Alexis laughed and scooted over to dangle her feet off the edge of their rock.

"Hypothetically," her eyes were slightly more serious as she snuck a sideways look at Kate, "I wouldn't be opposed to the idea. You're good for my dad. Even if he does do some things I wish he wouldn't when he's shadowing you."

"I'd promise to keep him safe, but I think you're too smart to believe that one." Kate joined Alexis in dangling her feet over the ledge. She was reassured when the girl leaned companionably against her side. "Instead, I'll just promise that I will do everything in my power to keep him as safe as I can manage."

"Thanks." Kate thought Alexis's smile this time looked like a mixture of amusement, fear, and resignation. There was a slight catch in her voice, too. "I worry about it sometimes. Gram's kind of getting on in years and if anything happened to her and Dad... Well, I don't think I'd enjoy being alone in the world."

Alexis looked as close to tears as Kate suddenly felt. Kate tugged Alexis to her feet on top of the rock and pulled her into the firmest hug she could manage. When she finally took a step back, she looked Alexis hard in the eyes to drive home her point.

"No matter what happens between your dad and me, you will never be alone in the world as long as I have anything to say about it."

Instead of replying, Alexis tucked her face against Kate's shoulder. Kate pulled the girl into another hug and held her. She didn't need to feel the tears soaking through her shirt to know that Alexis was silently crying. Kate hid the wince at the stab of pain in her shoulder as she wrapped both arms more firmly around the girl. She settled her cheek against Alexis's hair. Kate didn't let her step back until the tears had stopped.

"How long have you been hiding that fear, Alexis?" Kate raised a hand to cradle Alexis's cheek as the teenager tried to look away.

"Since the day I saw you get shot." The words were so quiet that Kate doubted she'd have heard them over normal city noise.

"Yeah, that was a bad day for everyone." Kate touched her forehead to Alexis's and they both closed their eyes for a moment as Kate fumbled for the words she needed to say. "Avoiding another day like that is a large part of why I'm out here with you instead of trying to send the people I love to safety while I chase after the bad guys. I'm not good at staying safe when there's work to be done, but I promised myself that I would learn to be better at that. Too many people could get hurt if I don't. I'm not thrilled about it, but I trust my friends to solve this one. There are a lot of very talented, capable, intelligent people on the case and I am absolutely certain that they will catch the ones responsible."

Kate smiled and stepped back to look at Alexis. She felt like her expression was probably a little lop-sided and wobbly, but Alexis was looking much more settled now and that was all that mattered. Kate picked up her sling and Alexis helped her to get it settled properly.

"All that's left for us to do is enjoy our unplanned vacation. Let's go annoy your father. That always cheers me up."

Alexis's grin had a lot fewer shadows in it as she led the way back down towards camp.

Kate found herself thinking as they walked about the unexpected serendipity of life. If someone had told her five years ago all of the things being partnered to Richard Castle would change about her life, the woman she had been so long ago might well have shot him to avoid all the trouble. But as Kate followed the red-headed teenager, she realized she wouldn't alter anything that had happened in the past four years. Even the traumatic parts had led her here and she wouldn't miss this for anything.


	20. Chapter 20

They spent the rest of the day playing games. Martha shook her head when she saw exactly how many travel games Richard had managed to carry to their camp. One wondered how he'd had room for a change of clothes in his pack after he'd stuffed it full of toys and s'mores ingredients. But as much as they all heckled him for it, Martha couldn't regret that she'd raised a son who placed such a premium on joy.

"You have a card game version of Angry Birds?" Kate was digging through the pile Richard had dumped onto the ground near the fire. "Castle, I'm officially going to have to confiscate your phone when we get back. That game is an addictive substance. For your own good, I'm deleting the apps."

"You're just jealous because you didn't see it first." Richard danced one of the little green pig cards an inch in front of Kate's nose.

"Stop that!"

Kate swiped at the card, but Richard managed to dodge it out of range before waving it next to her nose again. Alexis snickered at both of them while perusing the rules sheet and fiddling with the dice. Martha hid her grin with a drink of her coffee.

"Castle! I'm going to take your hand off when I take that card from you if you don't stop it."

Kate's scowl was not her best performance and no one was fooled. Richard continued to taunt her with the card even after she'd sat down and tried to ignore him.

"Dad!" Alexis managed to snatch the card from Richard while he was focused on Kate. "We're ready to start playing. Go sit down."

Richard harrumphed and Kate failed to hide her amusement as he dropped down to sit in the dirt at her side. Martha regretted their lack of a table for this, but there had been no way that she would've been able to bring a table in addition to the rest of her supplies. As the others settled onto the ground in a loose circle, Martha contented herself with sitting in one of the chairs that Richard and Kate had so gallantly carried. She especially appreciated that they'd limited themselves to almost-covert glances in her direction in the store when they bought them, and had refrained from saying that old bones would never survive a week without furniture.

Alexis laid out cards and explained the rules. Martha had never seen the appeal of the game Richard spent so much time playing on his phone, and the card version was simple enough for the average 4-year-old. Richard delighted in it, crowing and doing a seated victory dance whenever the dice cooperated or he managed to inconvenience one of the other players. Martha found herself vicariously enjoying the game even though it was too simple to hold her attention on its own.

They moved steadily through Richard's pile of games until the light faded into evening. Dinner was a companionable affair.

"I kid you not," Richard's tone was falsely solemn. "My mother was talking to the Ringmaster and I definitely heard her say she'd be willing to sell me. My own mother actually wanted to sell me to the circus! She was discussing price!"

"Poor Castle. I'm sorry she kept you." Kate smiled through her fake pity.

"I know, right? I could've learned to work with elephants! Oh, or lions! Monkeys? I could've had a monkey for a pet!"

"Dad, you already are a monkey."

The stories continued until dinner was entirely gone. Martha volunteered tales of stage life, Richard countered with exaggerated adventures with his various babysitters, and Alexis almost got Kate to fall out of her chair laughing with the story of how Richard met Ashley for the first time. Kate recounted a few of her own antics as a teenager and her father's responses to them. Martha knew she wasn't the only one to perk up her ears when Kate oh-so-casually included events from before her mother's death. None of the anecdotes were particularly emotional, but Martha was still heartened by the fact that Kate felt relaxed enough to share them.

Darkness had fallen completely and Martha started to contemplate her tent. She thought she wasn't yet tired enough for the sleeping bag to be comfortable. Richard darted into his own tent for a moment, emerging with a brightly colored book.

"It's time for ghost stories!" Richard's suspiciously gleeful grin didn't diminish at the collective groan.

"Dad, do you really think scary stories when we're already out in the dark woods are really a good idea?"

"Yes. Now hush. I was reading these earlier and they're fantastic." His tone became almost comedically dramatic as he began to read. Martha relaxed when she caught the signs of a prank in progress. She really had worried for a moment that he'd thought scaring his child before bed on this particular camping trip would be a good idea.

"It was a dark and stormy night, because everyone knows it's always dark and stormy in these kinds of stories. The original authors lacked imagination."

"It does not really say that! Let me read it." Alexis failed in her attempt to snatch the book away. She subsided with a grin at her father's admonishing look.

"Writer's privilege. I'm making the story better as we go along. If I may continue?" Richard glanced around the campfire until everyone nodded. "So. It was a dark and stormy night when Our Hero was stranded on the side of the road. We'll say his car broke down while he had no cell reception or he was too dumb to have roadside assistance. These authors neglected to explain. But! I digress."

Martha couldn't help but laugh and spare a moment of regret that Richard hadn't wanted to follow in her footsteps. He could have been a wonderful actor. The written word was all well and good, but it lacked the nuances of his delivery and timing.

"Our Hero despaired of walking to the next town without getting lost. The rain was so heavy and the night so dark, he could hardly see his hand in front of his nose. But then he was saved! A pair of headlights appeared through the rain, creeping slowly towards him. The car rolled to a stop next to him and he gratefully jumped inside. To his horror, he realized... the car was empty! He was too scared-"

"Or stupid," Kate chimed in.

"He was too scared," Richard's glare was weaker than Kate's grin, "to think of jumping back out of the car as it lurched forward again. He saw a sharp curve in the road approaching and he knew he was going to die as the car headed straight for the cliff. The ghosts wanted to claim him for their own."

"Because they didn't have enough morons in their group and they wanted to improve how intelligent they looked by comparison." Kate matched the tone and solemn delivery that Richard was using. Alexis snorted a giggle. Richard flapped a hand at them as a request for silence.

"Just before the car reached the edge of the cliff, a ghostly arm reached in through the window, grasped the wheel and steered the car around the curve. The car rolled slowly to a stop outside a town and our hero bolted for the safety-"

"After finally realizing that he could survive getting out of a slowly rolling car." Kate didn't even acknowledge Richard's shushing.

"He bolted for the safety of an inn. Over some much-needed alcohol, he told the captivated patrons about his paranormal encounter. They could see that he was telling the truth and they were all deeply frightened. Suddenly, the door of the inn opened and two drenched men stumbled inside. They glanced around at the other patrons and their eyes landed on Our Hero. Their eyes widened in shock, they pointed at him and said..."

Richard paused dramatically as he closed the book. He met each of their eyes in turn as he waited to make sure they were all listening.

"There's the moron who jumped in our car while we were pushing it!"

Martha laughed with the rest and congratulated herself on her parenting luck. She really had raised a good kid.


	21. Chapter 21

Kate silently snapped awake. Her heart was pounding and she felt as if she had just been about to plummet from a dangerous height. Her subconscious would not be soothed with anything less than putting her hand on the ground to assure herself that she couldn't fall off of her sleeping bag. The context for the dream faded too quickly for her to consciously grasp it, but she thought she could make an educated guess.

Kate heaved a resigned sigh as she stared at the roof of her tent and waited for her heart rate to come back down. Most nights like this, she could count on it taking at least an hour before she could fall back asleep.

Fragments of the stress dream (she refused to call it a nightmare) clung stubbornly to her thoughts. It brought her attention back to the case and nothing in her dark tent was a suitable distraction. Lanie, Ryan, Esposito and Captain Gates were probably doing something big this week. By this point, they might even have a full task force working on the investigation.

Kate tried to imagine all of the things that could prompt Ryan to tell her to go to ground in such a clandestine way. The fact that he gave the warning in code said that he thought either the precinct or the Hamptons house was under surveillance. The instruction to leave their cell phones behind might point towards their phones being tracked. But what about the suggestion to get away from civilization? Was that just a convenient excuse for them to be off the grid or was it a more sinister indication about the reach of the conspirators? Did Ryan really just want them to leave the Hamptons but had no way to ask them to do so without her giving away some clue about their destination? The length of time for their camping trip was pretty short. That told her Ryan believed they could have the problem neutralized before the week was finished. Were they making their arrests for the whole conspiracy? Or were they just finding one specific threat to her safety?

Her questions had no answers and her thoughts ran in circles. Anxiety fed upon fear fed upon worry fed upon anxiety until she was wound so tightly she thought it might be daybreak before she managed to nod off again. Her sleeping bag suddenly felt too confining. She freed herself from it and sat shivering in the cold tent.

She decided that she might as well walk around a bit to stay warm if she was going to be awake anyway. Kate wandered in circles close to the tents. She didn't trust her sense of direction in the dark even with a flashlight. All of the trees looked the same to her city-bred eyes.

She came to rest on a rock near Castle's tent some unknown time later and clicked off her light. She gently massaged her healing shoulder as she stared at the bit of sky she could see. She wished she'd learned the constellations better so that the stars weren't a jumbled mess to her eyes. All of the easy patterns she could find in the city were lost in the crowded sky. Eventually, the moon came up from behind the trees and changed the meadow into a spooky, grey world where distances were hard to judge and everything seemed strangely flat.

Kate jumped as a cricket started chirping and laughed at herself. Castle hadn't even told a real ghost story around the campfire tonight and yet here she was half expecting a ghost to come floating out of the trees. She decided to stay on the rock for another half hour just to prove to herself that she didn't need to go running for her tent.

A quiet moan drifted out of the darkness. Kate couldn't tell what direction it came from and the hair stood up on the back of her neck. A strangled whine followed the moan and Kate realized it was coming from Castle's tent. She drifted closer, worrying that she was invading his privacy but unable to ignore the noise. The sound of Castle gasping awake was familiar from Kate's own night so far.

"Castle?" Kate crouched outside his tent flap and tried to project her whisper away from the other tents.

"Kate?" His voice was thick with confusion and remnants of sleep. "Where are you?"

Kate took that as tacit permission to poke her head into the tent, flashlight aimed at the floor to avoid blinding him. Castle was sitting half out of his sleeping bag. His hair was sticking up like he'd glued a porcupine to his head. Kate was surprised to feel a flicker of amusement and the urge to smooth the wayward hair back into place. She let the amusement build into a small grin.

"Your hair is hilarious."

"What?" Castle looked like he was still half trapped in whatever dream he'd woken from.

Kate slipped the rest of the way into the tent, zipping the flap behind her and setting her flashlight down before she turned back to Castle. She snagged a water bottle he had stored nearby and poured a tiny amount into her hand. Kate reached over to dampen his hair and finger-combed it until it lay flat. Castle's unreadable eyes stayed locked on her face throughout the process.

When she had finished, Kate sat back on her heels to find Castle looking much more awake than when she had started. There were still shadows lurking in his expression.

"You want to talk about the dream that woke you?" Her voice was only loud enough to carry across the tiny space.

"I don't remember much of it." Castle slid his gaze away from hers. The guilt from his small lie was all over his face.

Kate waited silently while she let her disbelief show.

"You got hurt." Castle's voice was almost inaudible even in the silent tent. "You died again."

Kate's breath caught in her throat at Castle's shattered tone. She shifted until she was settled against his right side. She rested her head on his shoulder as she tried and failed to find words that would make it better. Castle slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. Kate laid her arm over his and laced their fingers together.

"I told Alexis today that I can't promise to keep you safe." Kate tightened her grip on his hand when he started to shift away to look at her. She didn't know if she could have this conversation if she had to look at his face while she talked. "And I can't know that you will always be okay. I can only promise to do everything in my power to keep you as safe as I can manage."

Kate felt the inhale that meant he was about to speak. He remained silent when she squeezed his hand in warning.

"I can't tell you that I will always be safe. I won't tell you that I will always try to avoid danger. That's not who I am. I see trouble and I have to try to fix it." Kate felt a smile tug at her lips. "I run towards the sounds of the shuffling zombie horde."

"That was so cool." Castle's nose was next to her ear as he whispered. She shivered at the feel of his breath against her cheek. "You faced down a hundred zombies with nothing but a handgun."

"Of all the commands I've given people over the years, I really never expected to say 'stop acting like zombies.'" Kate could feel the rumble of Castle's silent laughter. Her thumb traced circles on the back of his hand as she tried to work out how to say the rest of what she needed to. "I realized in the hospital and talking to Captain Gates that I've been going about things in the wrong way. I've been trying to do everything myself, attacking every threat head-on and not trusting other people to watch out for me."

"That's-" Castle sounded outraged on her behalf.

"No, that's fair. I realized that it is fair. Trusting someone means admitting that their judgment might be right even when I disagree with them. I didn't give serious thought to Ryan's concerns when he tried to suggest that we change our strategy." Kate paused to gather her courage before her next admission. "I didn't stop to think beyond the betrayal I felt when you tried to tell me why you were afraid of what I was doing."

Kate felt him suck in a startled breath and carefully kept caressing his hand as she waited for him to respond.

"I never for a moment intended to betray you."

Something in his voice pulled Kate's eyes up to his. The pain on his face was a fist squeezing her heart. She closed her eyes as she turned her face into his shoulder and pulled his arm tighter around her waist. They stayed like that for a moment before Kate pulled back enough to rest her forehead against the side of his jaw.

"At the time, I could only see that you were cooperating with them. It wasn't until you stayed with me in the hospital that I started to realize that you were being blackmailed just as effectively as the conspirators were. If they had threatened Alexis or Martha, you would have told me and I would have gone after them. But if I was the one at risk... Well, threatening me was the best way to control your behavior and, through you, to control mine."

Castle's arm tightened again on her waist. Kate let her eyes drift closed again as she felt Castle's other hand came up to lightly cradle her cheek. She took a steady breath through the tears she could feel building in her eyes.

"I would like to say that I promise never to do that again," Castle's words were slow and quiet. "But I can't see what I could have done differently. I thought I was doing the only thing that had any hope of keeping you alive. Kate, I had just watched you die. Your heart had stopped and your blood was soaking into the ground in front of me. There was no way I was going to watch you go running straight at them after that. You'd have more hope of surviving a charge against a machine gun nest on Omaha Beach."

Kate contemplated the layers of meaning in the image he had chosen. She set those meanings and needs against her own, trying to find her way through to an acceptable compromise.

"You are right about what I would have done before." Kate's words were as slow and quiet as Castle's had been. "I don't know for sure that they'd have managed to kill me, but I've spent the past two weeks sleeping in a sling and needing to ask for help with anything that requires two hands. I feel a lot less invincible right now than I did then. So I think we need to trade promises. I need you to promise me that you will never keep secrets or make decisions like that for me again. In return, I'll promise you that I will always hear you out when you've got serious concerns and I'll try very hard not to storm any beaches."

"Agreed." Castle flipped his hand over to hold hers in a lop-sided handshake. Kate felt the knot in her chest finally loosen. She accidentally poked Castle in the face as her hand flew up to cover a sudden yawn.

"I'm beat. I think I'll try to get some more sleep before the sun comes up."

Kate started to shift away but was trapped by Castle's arm still around her waist. She gave a small yelp as he flopped over backwards, pulling her with him.

"Yes, very tired. Must sleep immediately. Good night."

Kate laughed quietly and slapped at his arm. He only rolled them to their right and tugged her aside so he could flip the sleeping bag over them both like a blanket. He pulled her back against him and buried his nose in the hair at the base of her neck.

"Mmm. My teddy bear smells lovely."

"Castle, we talked about this."

"Yes. We agreed no sex near tents or bugs. This is sleeping. No funny business." He kissed the top of her spine. Her shiver wasn't entirely due to the cold. "Well, no funny business except for that one. Sweet dreams, Kate."

Castle reached across her and turned off the flashlight. Kate kicked off her shoes and closed her eyes against the darkness.


	22. Chapter 22

Castle snapped awake from a dream of Kate's shooting to find himself staring at sunlight on a tent wall. His mind was still half trapped in the memory and it took a moment for him to remember where he was and why he wasn't in his bedroom. He heard quiet breathing and turned his head to see Kate still sleeping. With his heart pounding from the nightmare, he had to struggle for a moment not to wake her just to make sure she was okay.

He could hear Alexis and his mother talking quietly out by the campfire, but he didn't want to join them yet. Kate would wake up if he tried to move past her and then the embarrassment would begin. Castle couldn't think of any way to avoid some awkwardness this morning, but there was no sense facing the music any earlier than he had to. Maybe he'd get lucky and Alexis would wander back into her tent to read. He could probably glare his mother into silence if he was willing to put up with her smirking at him all day until he could explain that there was no cause and nothing had happened.

He hadn't thought about this morning the night before. He'd just wanted Kate to stay close. Inside the privacy of his own head, he would admit that he'd been feeling a bit clingy lately as Kate's recent injury brought up issues from the previous summer. He felt a kind of mother hen instinct to get all of his loved ones properly accounted for and tucked away somewhere safe. But he really needed to think of a more macho term for it. Father bear? No, male bears don't really protect the kids. Sheepdog? Better, but not particularly fierce. Then again, Castle wasn't feeling formidable this morning. He might need to go with sheepdog until he'd had some coffee and woken up properly.

This camping trip was good for that protective instinct in some ways. He had his mother, his child, and his... Well, partner didn't feel entirely accurate and he wasn't sure it was safe to call her his girlfriend yet. The g-word might scare her off or annoy her into hitting him. Best to stick with Kate for now. He had his mother, his daughter and his Kate all safely on a camping trip in the middle of nowhere. Bad guys were less likely than bears, and he really didn't expect any bears.

Mostly didn't expect bears.

Hopefully, they wouldn't encounter any bears.

He made a mental note to tell Alexis that she wasn't to leave camp alone. He made another mental note to ask Kate if she thought she'd be able to scare off a bear.

The mental note brought Castle's attention back to Kate. He couldn't help feeling more than a little fascinated as he watched her sleep. He'd spent the better part of four years watching her. He'd studied her as she interrogated suspects, analyzed her every possible tell as she played poker, and he'd started a mental catalog of all the different ways she expressed amusement. His favorite so far was definitely any of the times he'd bothered her until she tried to glare at him while she was not entirely successfully suppressing her laughter. The first time he saw it, he'd had an almost overwhelming urge to kiss her. Only the knowledge that he would be instantly murdered had been enough for him to hang on to his self-control.

Even after all these years, Castle had never really seen Kate sleep. The hospital didn't count. She been varying degrees of drugged for most of it and he'd been too busy worrying about whether she was in pain or if some bad guy was going to try to bribe a nurse into giving her too much sedative. Or that ninjas would rappel down from the roof to attack them through the window. Having a writer's imagination was a curse sometimes because it offered up possibilities without bothering to weed out the unlikely scenarios.

But this morning felt like he was writing a whole new chapter in his knowledge of Kate. She was laying on her back, probably because it was the easiest position to manage with her arm in a sling. Her face was the most relaxed he'd ever seen it. There wasn't a frown or a scowl or a glare anywhere. Castle only barely resisted the urge to run his fingers over the places that normally crinkled when she concentrated or was irritated. He tried to memorize the laugh lines around her eyes. They usually couldn't be seen because she hid them with makeup. She'd chosen not to bother with makeup this week and that lack was almost as captivating as a sleeping Kate. She looked softer without it, less like competent and dangerous Detective Beckett and more like someone who would curl up on the couch with him.

Kate wasn't awake to heckle him for it, so he indulged in a moment of pure sappiness as he gazed at her face and remembered her sitting on the couch next to him for the movie. Was it really less than a week ago? So much had happened. He felt like that was the day Kate had really started to open up. Castle wished he knew what Kate and his mother had been discussing on the patio. He'd tried a couple more times to pry the content of the conversation out of his mother, but she wouldn't share. Even if he was justifiably proud of the female characters in his books, he'd found that wasn't enough feminist street cred to be treated like one of the girls when it came to private gossip. On the other hand, Alexis didn't seem to know, either, so maybe it wasn't merely that he was a guy and not eligible to participate in secret-sharing.

Alexis had been magnificent that day, too. Castle had been pleasantly surprised when Kate had sat directly next to him on the couch when he'd expected her to take one of the available chairs. He'd wanted to wrap an arm around her to drag her closer, but he'd thought that probably would've scared her off, so he'd tried to be somewhat more subtle. Not Alexis, though. Kids were great for getting people to relax their guard and Alexis was an acknowledged master of the art. It'd been all he could do to not stare as Alexis nonchalantly leaned on Kate like she was furniture and periodically fed her popcorn. Most astonishing of all miracles, Kate had allowed it.

And now here she was on their unorthodox camping trip, sleeping less than ten inches away from him after an almost surreal couple of weeks. If someone had told him a month ago that he would have started to get used to being allowed to kiss her whenever he felt like it and then fallen asleep with her in his arms, well, he would have lost money in that betting pool because he would've picked "the Wednesday after hell freezes over" as the date it would all happen.

Except here she was laying next to him after just such an unlikely event.

Castle felt a little guilty and a lot relieved that Kate had never found out about his "final" case. He'd meant to be honest with her when he went in that morning. At first, he'd procrastinated because he didn't want to have the conversation in front of anyone else. Then he'd gotten caught up in the give-and-take heckling that he hadn't realized he'd missed so badly until it was back. She seemed so happy that he didn't want to ruin the mood while they were having fun, and he wanted to leave on a high note. Then he realized what an unworthy ass he was when he finally asked her about her shooting.

There was no way he deserved a second chance. There was no way to earn hearing her breathing beside him when he'd woken in the middle of the night and found her head on his shoulder as she held on to a handful of his sweatshirt. The feeling of pins and needles in his arm was entirely worth it just to be able to watch her like that until he'd drifted off again. Not since Alexis had been little enough to hold in one hand had he felt so humbled by watching someone sleep. And just as he had felt that first morning with Alexis, he vowed to himself that he would be worthy of the chance the universe had given him.

Almost as if she had heard him thinking her name, Alexis's voice drifted clearly over to the tent.

"I thought Dad or Kate would be up by now. Do you think we should wake them?"

"No, it's barely ten o'clock. I bet your father kept Kate up late reading from that absurd children's book. He was still thumbing through it when I went to bed around midnight. Give it another half an hour. If we haven't seen signs of life from at least one of them by then, you can check for a pulse."

Of all possible scenarios, his daughter coming to wake him and finding Kate in his tent was by far the most potentially embarrassing. It was definitely on the list of things to be avoided. Maybe he could act as bait, lure their attention so they didn't notice which tent Kate came out of. He could pretend he saw a bear. Or, better yet, a chupacabra! Less likelihood of anyone having nightmares later if he said he saw one of those and he would have fun teasing everyone with it. It could be today's running joke.

Now that he had a tentative plan selected, the only thing left to do was wake Kate and let her know what he was up to.

Castle tucked a loose strand of hair behind Kate's ear. He rested his hand on her cheek, gently stroking her soft skin until she started to stir. She groaned and squeezed her eyes shut against the morning. Castle grinned at her when she finally cracked an eyelid at him. She opened her mouth to say something and he silenced it with his own. She looked much more alert after he broke the kiss. He held a finger to her lips when she started to speak again. She held still for a moment and he could almost see the gears shifting as she finished waking up. She finally heard the faint voices from near the fire and her eyes widened. Her alarm was so comical that Castle had a hard time not laughing. He leaned in close enough for her to hear his whisper.

"I'll go out first and distract them by telling them that I saw a chupacabra during the night. I'll draw them away to where they can't see the tent by insisting they help me look for proof that I didn't imagine it. Give me a minute and then you'll be able to slip out without anyone noticing."

"Castle, that's absurd. I am not going to sneak around when we've done nothing to be embarrassed about. If they even ask, which I doubt they will, we'll just admit that we were up late talking and fell asleep." Kate's indignant voice was at a normal volume and Castle winced.

"No need to tell us anything, dear." His mother's voice confirmed Castle's fears. "We heard you just fine. You might as well come out and have breakfast."

The only thing that made Castle's discomfort bearable was watching Kate turn slightly pink at that moment. He hadn't realized she blushed so easily and he had a sudden impulse to see how often he could get her to do it.

But those were plans for later. Right now, it was time to face his mother's doubtlessly wicked glee at having the upper hand in their never-ending heckling war.


	23. Chapter 23

The day was both less and more awkward than Castle had feared it would be. His mother made no jokes and sent surprisingly few mocking glances in his direction. Alexis seemed to be of the opinion that the sooner the situation was forgotten, the better. Kate was scrupulously acting as if nothing had changed.

Kate's act was the awkward part of the morning. Castle caught her watching him at the oddest moments. Far from knowing what she was thinking, he couldn't even figure out if her thoughts were pleasant or worrisome. The first time he'd caught her doing it, he'd thought it was adorable. But by the fourth time she broke eye contact and busied herself with something else, anxiety started to set in. By the eighth time he noticed it, he realized she was trying to avoid him as much as she could in the small camp. He resigned himself to giving her some space for the day.

Castle tried not to read anything into it. He had noticed before that she followed a pattern. Every time their boundaries shifted or their relationship ventured away from the safe territory of being partners, she withdrew. No, that wasn't entirely accurate. Castle mentally sifted through adjectives and verbs, trying to find the one that had the right shape and flavor to describe what he thought he was seeing.

He didn't find the word he was looking for. The problem popped into his head several times throughout the morning as Alexis studied, Kate chatted and laughed with Martha, and Castle pulled out a notebook and pen to outline a chapter for Nikki.

Castle gave up the pretense of work at noon. He gently pried the textbook from his daughter's hands.

"Come on, it's already a minute past twelve. There's a stream we should be exploring!"

Alexis gave a groan that seemed mostly for show as she got to her feet. Kate and Martha waved lazily at them to go on ahead. Clearly, exploring a stream couldn't compete with the poker game they'd started. They each had an impressive assortment of pine cones, sticks and rocks that they were using for wagers.

Castle shrugged and rolled his eyes as he ambled away from camp with his daughter beside him.

* * *

Martha waited until the children were out of sight. She let her mouth quirk towards a smile and kept her tone bland as she asked, "So, Kate. You slept with my son last night?"

Kate's head shot up and her fingers loosened for a moment on her cards. Martha caught a glance at two of them before Kate regained her composure. Kate's hand wasn't nearly as strong as she'd been bluffing.

"No. Nothing happened. We talked and then fell asleep."

"How boring. Did my son at least kiss you good morning?" Martha laughed as the blush started up Kate's cheeks. "I can see by your face that he did. Good to know he hasn't entirely forgotten his manners."

Martha dropped a couple of sticks into the bowl they were using for bets. Kate's eyes were on her cards, but Martha was willing to bet that her mind wasn't. Kate absently matched Martha's bet and threw in a pine cone for good measure.

"He was a perfect gentleman."

"That's a depressing thought." Martha saw another card as Kate failed to notice how she was holding her hand. She matched Kate's bet with five sticks and a rock. "I'm calling your bluff, lady."

Martha didn't miss Kate's moment of panic before she realized Martha was referring to their cards. Martha hid a triumphant grin at the confirmation that her son hadn't completely behaved himself. She'd be willing to bet her last pine cone that he'd kissed Kate awake very thoroughly, indeed.

Kate laid out her hand with a sheepish sigh. Martha let out the laugh she'd been hiding when she saw the rest of Kate's cards.

"You were trying to beat me with a pair of threes? Really?"

"It seemed like it was worth a shot at the time."

"Oh, honey. Don't try to bluff an actress. Your poker face is good, but it isn't that good."

Martha knew her smile was decidedly evil as Kate caught the double entendre. She also made a mental note that asking about Richard was the surest way to beat the lovely detective at poker.

* * *

Castle had finally relaxed and started to enjoy the walk with his daughter by the time they reached the stream. It looked only about a foot deep in the middle, though it was moving fast and the height of the banks argued that it wasn't normally this low. Castle idly tossed a couple of pebbles into the current as he watched his kid jumping from stepping stone to stepping stone as if she weren't very nearly an adult. He felt the smile tugging at his lips as he remembered the antics of a much younger Alexis.

One foot slipped into the water and Alexis yelped as the stream sloshed over the top of her shoe. Castle laughed as she made her cautious way back to him, hopping gently and pausing to check the stability of each rock before she moved on. She seemed determined to have only one squishy shoe for the day.

Pausing.

Castle took a breath as he realized that was the word he'd been searching for.

Castle felt the last of his anxiety uncoil and melt away as he finally recognized the pattern he'd been seeing Kate follow. She'd jump their boundaries to a new place and then she'd try to hold that as the status quo. She never made another leap until she was certain of her footing. It wasn't regret or second thoughts, it was simple caution.

Caution was good. He could work with that.

* * *

**AN:** Very short update because I'm feeling a bit guilty about how long it's been since the last one. More coming soon, I promise. I've already got half of the outline for all of the rest of the story, I just need time to write it. I'm less than 30 days away from moving to England to study for my master's, so time is a bit short, but I'm determined that this story will be entirely finished before season 5 starts in September.

The next chapter will contain plot. You have been warned.


	24. Chapter 24

The week of their involuntary camping trip passed more quickly than Alexis had believed it would. She'd managed to finish one of her Intro to Lit textbooks and start in on the second. If nothing else, the extra study time this week had reassured her that she was academically ready for college-level material. The parts of the days that she didn't spend with her nose in a book were dedicated to playing games, telling stories, exploring the area, and chatting about nothing in particular. The week had become a vacation in truth.

Alexis woke up earlier than usual on the last day. She'd had trouble sleeping the night before. During most of the trip, she'd managed to forget why they were camping. It had become just one of those absurdly entertaining plans her crazy father came up with. She'd thoroughly enjoyed the quality time with her family and the chance to get to know Kate as a friend instead of a detective. The noises at night had stopped startling her awake after the second day and the rain she feared had never materialized. She'd even started to learn to like the hiking food. All in all, it had been almost idyllic.

The idyll ended today.

Nobody had discussed it around the campfire last night, but Alexis knew she wasn't the only one to be thinking about it. She found it ironic that she'd started out the trip by wishing the situation were safe enough that they could just go home. Now a part of her was wishing they could stay in the woods.

Alexis heard the quiet rustling of breakfast preparations outside her tent and realized she wasn't the only one to wake up early today. She was somewhat surprised to find that she was the last one up. The sky was the pale blue that followed daybreak, but the sun hadn't yet made it above the trees. Even the birds seemed to be keeping their chatter to a minimum this morning.

Breakfast was a silent affair. Everyone had finished eating before Kate spoke.

"Martha, I'd like you and Alexis to stay here. Castle and I will drive to a phone and check in with Ryan and Esposito. If it's all clear, we'll come back and help pack up. If it's not, we'll stop off for more supplies before we come back."

"I'd like it if you stayed behind, too." Alexis's father sounded resigned. He was pushing the last grains of oatmeal around his bowl with a spoon and not looking up at Kate.

"I know, Castle." Kate reached over to lay her hand on his. "I want you to stay behind just as badly. But I can't drive well one-handed and you'll need another person to carry the supplies if we need to stay here longer."

"I'll go." Alexis was startled to hear her own voice. All three adults turned to her with matching expressions of denial.

"Absolutely not." Her father's tone was the flat refusal that he so rarely directed at her.

"I'll go." Gram was clearly less than thrilled with her own suggestion. "I'd be more use than Kate at carrying things."

"Martha," Kate switched her attention from Alexis to her grandmother. "I need to do this. I need to check in with the investigation. We're not expecting trouble, but it's safer if we don't all stick our necks out at once. We'll be careful. Straight to a phone and then back here. Even if everything in the city hasn't gone according to plan, we should still be back before dinner. If we get good news, we should be back soon enough to pack everything up and head towards civilization. We could be back in the city tonight."

Gram nodded like she'd expected Kate's answer. Truthfully, Alexis wasn't entirely surprised, either. She'd gotten to know Kate a lot better this week. Even though Kate had done her best to hide it, Alexis had been able to tell when she was worrying about the investigation and the possible reasons they'd been sent into hiding.

Alexis retreated from the painfully awkward silence that followed. She didn't think she'd be able to concentrate on her textbooks, but she also felt an absurd reluctance to leave the camp. She didn't come out of her tent until her father scratched at the door to get her attention. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face against his chest. His shirt smelled of dirt, woodsmoke, safety and Dad. Alexis felt younger than she had in a long time as she breathed in her father's scent. His hug was tight enough to squeeze some of the air out of her, but she didn't mind.

Alexis felt her father press a kiss to the top of her head before he stepped back.

"Love you." Alexis's throat was tight with all the things she didn't know how to say.

"Love you more." He smiled into her eyes as he rested a hand on her cheek. "Don't spend all day reading. Put your books away at noon and have some fun."

"Okay."

Alexis saw Kate hovering at a discreet distance as her father turned away to say goodbye to Gram. Kate approached with an uncertain smile and hesitated a few steps away. Alexis didn't wait for permission before she pulled Kate into a brief hug.

"Stay as safe as you can, okay? No adventures without me and Gram."

"As safe as I can manage, I promise."

Alexis watched as Kate turned back to her father and they headed off towards the car. She thought Kate's walk was looser than it had been all week. Kate looked more settled now that she was doing something besides waiting. No doubt that said something profound about Kate's character, but Alexis still wished there were some way for everyone to stay here where it was safe.

Alexis retrieved her book from her tent and settled into a chair next to her grandmother. She didn't really feel like being alone right now.


	25. Chapter 25

"It's over." Ryan's voice on the phone sounded like he hadn't slept during the entire week they'd been gone. "We got them all."

"What?" Kate had heard him the first time, but she couldn't entirely process the concept.

"It's over, Beckett. We arrested the whole rotten group. It's safe to come back to the city. Come to the precinct when you get back in town and I'll tell you the full story. No matter what time you get in, we'll all still be here doing the paperwork."

Castle was watching Kate from outside the phone booth with a worried expression. She knew she should tell him the news, but she couldn't think through the sudden ringing in her ears. She stared at Castle through the glass.

"Kate? You there?" Ryan's voice sounded hollow and far away as Kate tried to get her mind to work.

Castle pulled open the door and took the phone from her unprotesting hand. She didn't listen to him talking to Ryan as she stepped out to give him room. Kate sat on the curb and stared at a weed growing through a crack in the road.

The case was done.

* * *

The silence was thick with unspoken thoughts as Castle turned off the engine. He'd parked the rented SUV near the spot where they'd hidden it a week ago, but there was no more need for subterfuge. Kate hadn't said a word during the drive back from the nearest tiny town. Castle tried to read the tension in her posture as she stared out the window at the trees. He didn't know if he should say something or just leave her to her thoughts. His own relief was enough to make concentration difficult. He could imagine that Kate's reaction would be more complicated.

"It's over." Her tone held no clues to her mood.

"Yes."

"I can't believe it. I can't get my mind around it." Kate surprised him by reaching blindly for his hand. He tugged it until she turned towards him, her eyes focused on their intertwined fingers. "I've spent most of my adult life chasing this thing. In many ways, it's shaped who I've become, like it's a part of what defines who I am. How do I even begin to let it go?"

"I don't know. But taking it one step at a time is probably a good place to start. You are Johanna Beckett's daughter. Finally solving her case doesn't affect that fact. You no longer need to be her avenger, but you will always be her child. You live your life one day at a time and you find new things that you want to use to define yourself. You honor her by being her legacy."

Kate's eyes were still resting on their joined hands. Castle felt his breath catch when the corner of her mouth twitched towards a smile. He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head.

"How is any of that funny?"

"It's not funny." The twitch became a small smile as Kate finally looked up at him. "It's not amusing at all."

Kate let go of his hand and got out of the SUV while Castle tried to work his way through her cryptic mood swing. He finally gave it up and joined her as they started the long trek back to the camp where Alexis and his mother would be waiting.

* * *

They'd been hiking along in silence for almost 20 minutes while Kate pondered the situation. Now that the initial shock was wearing off, it was easier to sort through the complicated pile of reactions to label what she was feeling.

There was the relief and joy that their exile from civilization was ending. As much unexpected fun as she'd had this week, she desperately wanted a hot shower, a change of clothes that didn't smell of dirt and wood smoke, and a meal that didn't contain any variety of granola or dehydrated food. She knew Castle shared her feelings about going home because of the happy little spring in his step.

There was also a nameless instinct that she couldn't quite pin down. She'd spent so many months being afraid and confused about why they hadn't tried to kill her again, and then she was afraid and angry when she'd learned why she'd been left alone, and finally there was the moment of sheer terror when she got shot for the second time. Her fear had been such a constant companion for so long that it was almost physically painful to think fear might not be necessary anymore. She worried she wouldn't be able to remember how to let her guard down after so many months and years of needing to be constantly vigilant.

But Castle was right. When someone finds that a part of their self-definition is no longer healthy or useful or valued, the only sane response is to work on changing that part into something new.

She snapped out of her thoughts when Castle broke into song.

"Into the woods without delay, but careful not to lose the way. Into the woods, who knows what may be lurking on the journey?"

Kate almost missed a step in surprise when she recognized the slightly discordant tune. She felt the grin finally make it to her face as she sang the only line she could remember from the musical.

"You go into the woods where nothing's clear, where witches, ghosts and wolves appear. Into the woods and through the fear, you have to take the journey."

Castle stopped in his tracks and turned to her, eyes wide and mouth hanging slightly open in shocked delight.

"Since when do you know Sondheim?"

"Castle, what kind of New Yorker would I be if I never saw anything on Broadway? Besides, that one's been around forever. My dad took me to see it when I was twelve."

"Fair enough." He'd started walking again after what looked like the tiniest bit of a gleeful bounce. Kate rolled her eyes as she fell in beside him. Her stress continued to leak slowly away as Castle hummed the tune under his breath.

She let that be the only sound for a few moments before she stopped his hum with a touch on his arm.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Castle gave her a confused smile as he slowed his walk to look at her. "What are we thanking me for?"

"Cheering me up when I need it."

"Of course." The look in his eyes stopped the breath in Kate's throat. Then his smile took on a slightly mischievous edge that had her suddenly wary. "What else should I do for my girlfriend but help her when she's feeling down?"

"Girlfriend?"

"Yes. You are Richard Castle's girlfriend." His eyes widened as he stared off into space in an exaggerated impression of being awestruck. "Oh my god, I'm _Kate Beckett's_ boyfriend."

Kate couldn't prevent the laugh that escaped.

"What you are is absurd."

"No, I'm not. We hold hands and kiss and have dinner together. Ergo, we are dating."

"Boiling instant noodles over a fire in the middle of nowhere doesn't really count as a dinner date."

"Oh, don't worry, I'll take you out for real food as soon as we get back in range of a decent restaurant."

"I'm not worried." Kate fumbled around for an argument as she tried to regain control of the conversation. "And I don't remember agreeing to let you call me your girlfriend."

Castle stopped walking and stepped close to her. His grin got wider and his eyes got darker when he saw a flicker of misgiving cross her face. Kate firmly squashed the urge to back away from him. She did not want to admit that he could get under her skin so easily.

"If you don't like the title of girlfriend," his whisper tickled her cheek, "We can change it to fiancee any day you like."

Castle pressed a kiss against Kate's stunned nose and walked away before she could figure out how to make her lungs start working again. Kate felt like the world was suddenly spinning in a different direction. By the time she could get her legs to move, she had to jog for a bit to catch up with him.

"Castle, that wasn't funny." Kate hauled him to a stop with a hard grip on his elbow.

"Though I'll admit the look on your face was hilarious, it wasn't meant to be funny." His eyes were full of something solemn, though his smile still carried the hint of a joke.

"Did you really just propose?"

"No." His headshake was emphatic.

"No?" Kate let go of his elbow and took a step back.

"No. You'll know it when you see a real proposal. That was just an early warning. I've noticed you don't always like surprises, so I thought I'd give you lots of advanced notice."

Kate felt her mouth moving, but no sound came out. She tried three more times before she found her voice again.

"Castle, I'm not ready for that kind of decision."

"I know." Castle was back inside her airspace, looking inordinately pleased with himself. He brushed a hand against her cheek.

"I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that kind of decision."

"I know." His confidence didn't diminish even slightly at her quiet admission.

"So how can you make me an offer like that?"

"Easily." Castle lifted her hand up to kiss the backs of her fingers. He didn't let go as his other hand brushed away the solitary tear she hadn't realized she'd shed. "But doesn't it make the word 'girlfriend' sound more manageable by comparison?"

"No!"

Kate was rooted to the ground as the world blurred and fractured through watering eyes. She took a stern breath and gave herself a mental order to calm down. She might have managed it if Castle hadn't chosen that moment to take her face in both hands and press his lips to hers. When he ended the kiss a long minute later, her eyes were dry and her hand was in his hair. She shifted to put her arm around his neck as she tucked her face into his shoulder. She didn't want to admit how good the hug felt when his arms came around to hold her there.

"See how delightful this is? This can be our status quo until you're ready to change it. Even if that takes another four years." His mouth was down by her ear again. Kate barked a humorless laugh against his shoulder.

"I really hate you right now." She felt the last of her tension melt away as his laugh startled the birds into silence.

"I love you, too. Now let's go collect the rest of our merry band and get the hell out of the woods."

He finally let her go as he turned and started towards their camp. Kate watched him walking away for a moment before she heaved a resigned sigh and started jogging to catch up.


	26. Epilogue

"Lanie, have you seen my makeup bag? I need to touch up my lipstick."

Kate bent to dig frantically through the pile of bags and clothing on the floor.

"Honey, you look fine. Stop fussing." Lanie snagged both of Kate's hands and drew her upright.

"I know, I just don't want to looked washed out for the pictures. Those photographers always use such bright flashes." Kate turned to check through her purse again. She pulled her fingers free from Lanie's grip with a bit too much force. She yelped as they whacked hard against the table.

"You okay?" Lanie examined the bright red line across the back of Kate's hand.

"I'm fine. Just... I really need to find my lipstick."

"What you really need is to calm down and take a breath." Lanie found the wayward cosmetics bag and fished out the requested item to hand it to Kate. "This isn't the first time you've been in the media's eye because of writer boy and it won't be the last."

"Today's different." Kate examined her reflection critically as she pressed her lips together.

"Of course it is. But you love him and he loves you and your family and friends adore both of you, though sometimes I can't remember why. You'll be fine. Besides, there'll be booze and dancing at the reception to help you unwind."

They were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door, followed by Martha poking her head inside the room.

"Ladies, everyone's here and there's no sense keeping them waiting. Let's get this show on the road."

Martha grinned at the look of panic on Kate's face. Castle's mother shut the door behind her as she came the rest of the way into the room.

"We're ready." Lanie's voice held none of the sudden uncertainty that Kate felt. "No more stalling, girl."

Before her mind could catch up with the motion, Lanie had fixed the veil on Kate's head and Martha was ushering her out the door. The butterflies in her stomach were only slightly soothed when her father joined them in the hallway. The nostalgic adoration on his face made her eyes water. She took a steadying breath as her father offered her his arm.

"Ready, Katie?"

"Yeah, Dad. I'm ready."

* * *

Castle had trouble catching his breath through the entire ritual. The church had such phenomenal acoustics that it felt as if the music reverberated through his bones. He thought the feel of Kate's hand in his might be the only thing anchoring him to the earth, keeping his elation from floating him away on the sounds. He rubbed his thumb lightly over the back of her hand. He was startled out of his musings when he felt her almost imperceptible flinch. She smiled lightly into his eyes when he risked a brief glance away from the minister.

A moment of hushed laughter from their gathered guests brought his attention back to the ceremony. The minister's eyes crinkled with suppressed laughter at Castle's nonplussed expression.

"Dude. Take the ring." Esposito hissed under his breath from where he stood at Castle's shoulder.

Castle covered for his lapsed attention as smoothly as he could, but the continuing quiet twitters from the audience told him there was no denying it. They probably thought he'd gotten lost in Kate's eyes and stopped listening.

The reason for Kate's small flinch became immediately apparent when he raised her hand to slide the ring onto her finger. The darkening line of a new bruise stretched across the back of her hand. He made a mental note to ask her about it when he wasn't so busy repeating after the minister.

* * *

The reception was a tiny affair compared to the wedding. The Old Haunt had been closed to the public for the event, but it was still filled to near capacity with their family and friends. Kate had changed into a dress she could more easily dance in after the obligatory photos and first dance with the groom. The butterflies in her stomach had finally settled down after she stopped being the entire center of attention. The band was fantastic and the food was sublime. The cake was some of the best she'd ever had. Kate still might not be entirely comfortable with her new bank account balance, but she saw no reason not to hire the best caterers that money and Castle's contacts could find.

She was standing off to the side of the bar, enjoying a rare moment of peace as she watched her friends and family enjoying themselves. An arm snaked around her waist and she leaned back against Castle's chest while he pressed a kiss behind her ear. She set her wine glass on the bar and covered his hand with both of hers.

He twined their fingers together and raised her left hand up where he could see it. Kate's eyes snagged again on the unaccustomed sight of a wedding ring on her finger.

"What did you do to yourself, anyway?" His thumb traced lightly around the bruise. "Did Lanie have to rap your knuckles with a ruler? Were you misbehaving?"

"Something like that." Kate laughed as Castle lightly kissed her fingers.

"Then I'm sorry I missed it. Does it still hurt?"

"Don't be such a mother hen, Castle." Kate turned around so she could grin up into her husband's eyes. "Bruises heal."


	27. Acknowledgments

This story exists because of those lovely reviewers who told me that the first chapter was the beginning of a much longer story, not a one-shot or a stand-alone piece.

This story was made better because of the readers who challenged me or questioned me or encouraged me all along the way.

I know most of you are squirming with impatience and want to know where the rest of the story is. We haven't heard anything from Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, or even Captain Gates about their adventures while our characters were taking their unplanned vacation. I decided to make that it's own story in a companion piece. I promise I'll get to writing it as soon as possible. Sadly, I'm three weeks away from moving to a foreign country and becoming a postgraduate student, so that probably won't be before the new season starts at the end of the month.

Thank you for reading. This story is for you.


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